What? Brad Pitt used to be a drugged-up college drop-out? Yup, and he's telling you all about it in the new issue of Esquire.

 

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Welcome to What Not To Do on Twitter, the Natural Disaster Edition.

On Monday afternoon, "Daily Show" writer and co-creator Lizz Winstead thought she was being her usual funny self when she alluded to news of the IRS scandal in a tweet about the deadly tornado in Oklahoma.

"This tornado is in Oklahoma so clearly it has been ordered to only target conservatives," she posted.

Then, to Winstead's obvious dismay, reports clarified the actual horror that the tornado had caused. She deleted the pseudo-funny tweet, but not before many of her 75,000-plus followers saw it.

While some called for her ouster from the "Daily Show," others used the tweet as an example of the "sick & twisted mind" behind one of the most popular liberal series on TV. Conservative journalist Michelle Malkin, meanwhile, kept her critique simple, awarding Winstead the crown for "assclown of the day."

The comic eventually responded to the backlash with an apology:

Although she left one related joke on her Twitter feed ("how long has Obama known about this tornado?"), she later acknowledged she deserved the bad vibes that continued coming her way, writing, "It's worth giving me s---. I was an idiot."

Winstead has since taken a hiatus from the jokester tweets, opting instead to share information about the various charity organizations working with victims in Oklahoma.

#betterlatethannever​ ...






 

File under: Dubious honor.

A new poll from Sex Tracker and Vivid Entertainment (NSFW and super NSFW, respectively) indicates that America's porn-watching masses would rather see Mila Kunis at the center of their next X-rated flick than any other Hollywood starlet.

(In other news, the lady sitting behind Mila in the above photo obviously ignored our NSFW warning about the sites that published the poll.)

Kunis, 29, scooped up 38% of the vote, according to the Daily News, with last month's winner, Jennifer Lawrence, coming in at a respectable second with 23% of voters naming her as the No. 1 potential porn pick.

Kind of an odd result, given that the last time we saw Mila on the big screen, she looked like this:


Other names in the mix included Sofia Vergara, who scored 15%, Angelina Jolie at 13% and Selena Gomez, who snagged 10%.

But given this group of porn-lovers' apparent taste for body paint, our money's on J.Law to shoot back up in the ranks of next month's poll.

After all ...





 

Attention, "Downton Abbey" superfans: Do you have what it takes to ease poor Mr. Bates' aching heart/leg/conscience​? Warning: What it takes is probably in the neighborhood of $20,000.

At the fundraiser for the Origin Theatre Company on May 30, one lucky bidder will cough up five digits to spend a day living the life of a post-Edwardian era servant. But rather than jump, Pavlovian style, at the sound of a bell rung by a Crawley, this faux minion will act in service to Brendan Coyle, who plays Lord Grantham's disabled and troubled valet on the show.

Page Six reports that the theater company sold the same prize at last year's auction (for $20K), and the winner "got to read poetry to Coyle in a horse-drawn carriage in Central Park."

This year's pseudo-serf may also win the luxury of enjoying a meal with Coyle at Claridge's in London.

If you need some inspiration to drop all that dough for a day of servitude, this Bates-getting-kicked​-while-he's-down "Downton" montage should give the heart strings a requisite tug:



 

Because we've learned a lesson from "Tan Mom" (see earlier post), these celebrity sunburn pics should make you feel better about all the times you didn't cover up with SPF-60. Be careful out there, folks.


More news . . . .

Most men his age wish they looked as 'bloated' as Keanu at Cannes

No surprise: Seth MacFarlane won't host Oscars 2014, but recommends Joaquin Phoenix for the job (gee thanks, pal)

Zach Galifianakis, who we love now, is taking an 87-year-old woman he rescued from homelessness to 'The Hangover 3' premiere

See who won big at the Billboard Music Awards . . . besides Taylor Swift

More Billboard buzz: Miguel's energetic dance moves weren't a smash with these two fans

Thank you for the beautiful music, R.I.P. Ray Manzarek

Middle-age 'Brady Bunch'ers reunite at amusement park

Trace Adkins wins 'Celebrity Apprentice,' but isn't giving up singing career

Jon Stewart is loved in China, too


 

For his appearance in the "No New Friends" video last week, Drake innocently selected a dated short suit by Dada (of late '90s, early '00s hoops-lovers' fame). After one unfortunate behind-the-scenes photo found its way online, Drizzy proceeded to prove, via the almighty Internet, that neither fashion nor hip-hop is quite ready to party like it's 1999.

The first wave of backlash arrived on Twitter, alongside heart-warming references to long-dead hip-hop mags of yore ("Drake dressed like something out the back pages of Word Up!") and big ups for "even finding Dada in 2013."

Then came the memes. There was home-run Drake:

... and a "Thriller" tribute:

Drake getting a roundhouse kick from The Heartbreak Kid:

And a Miguel at the 2013 Billboard Music Awards reference (extra points for pop culture cross-polination!)


Drake even came up with one himself, sharing a Photoshopped soccer edition of the #DrakeDada hashtag that was trending again by Sunday night.

But they kinda all pale in comparison to the winning meme. Oh, what we would give to be able to text you with a DrakeDada emoji ...






 

Glad you're sitting down: "Tan Mom" Patricia Krentcil, has cut a music video. Shirtless guys writhe about and get grabby with the bikini-clad 45-year-old in this um, er, masterpiece. There's "robot"ing at the :48 mark (always a great idea!), and Tanny takes aim at "Teen Mom" and "Octomom," rasp-rapping that she's "the COOL ONE." Bonus points for resurrecting the whiz-bang multiple image technique that we haven't seen since the dawn of MTV. 

What brought this on? When accepting the Milestone Award at last night's Billboard Music Awards, Justin Bieber was met with boos. He proceeded to get on the defense and (sort of) scolded the crowd, "I'm an artist and I should be taken seriously." Ahem.

More from the Billboard Awards:
Stars work the red carpet
Miguel accidentally kicks two fans