Attention, "Downton Abbey" superfans: Do you have what it takes to ease poor Mr. Bates' aching heart/leg/conscience​? Warning: What it takes is probably in the neighborhood of $20,000.

At the fundraiser for the Origin Theatre Company on May 30, one lucky bidder will cough up five digits to spend a day living the life of a post-Edwardian era servant. But rather than jump, Pavlovian style, at the sound of a bell rung by a Crawley, this faux minion will act in service to Brendan Coyle, who plays Lord Grantham's disabled and troubled valet on the show.

Page Six reports that the theater company sold the same prize at last year's auction (for $20K), and the winner "got to read poetry to Coyle in a horse-drawn carriage in Central Park."

This year's pseudo-serf may also win the luxury of enjoying a meal with Coyle at Calridge's in London.

If you need some inspiration to drop all that dough for a day of servitude, this Bates-getting-kicked​-while-he's-down "Downton" montage should give the heart strings a requisite tug:



 

Because we've learned a lesson from "Tan Mom" (see earlier post), these celebrity sunburn pics should make you feel better about all the times you didn't cover up with SPF-60. Be careful out there, folks.


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For his appearance in the "No New Friends" video last week, Drake innocently selected a dated short suit by Dada (of late '90s, early '00s hoops-lovers' fame). After one unfortunate behind-the-scenes photo found its way online, Drizzy proceeded to prove, via the almighty Internet, that neither fashion nor hip-hop is quite ready to party like it's 1999.

The first wave of backlash arrived on Twitter, alongside heart-warming references to long-dead hip-hop mags of yore ("Drake dressed like something out the back pages of Word Up!") and big ups for "even finding Dada in 2013."

Then came the memes. There was home-run Drake:

... and a "Thriller" tribute:

Drake getting a roundhouse kick from The Heartbreak Kid:

And a Miguel at the 2013 Billboard Music Awards reference (extra points for pop culture cross-polination!)


Drake even came up with one himself, sharing a Photoshopped soccer edition of the #DrakeDada hashtag that was trending again by Sunday night.

But they kinda all pale in comparison to the winning meme. Oh, what we would give to be able to text you with a DrakeDada emoji ...






 

Glad you're sitting down: "Tan Mom" Patricia Krentcil, has cut a music video. Shirtless guys writhe about and get grabby with the bikini-clad 45-year-old in this um, er, masterpiece. There's "robot"ing at the :48 mark (always a great idea!), and Tanny takes aim at "Teen Mom" and "Octomom," rasp-rapping that she's "the COOL ONE." Bonus points for resurrecting the whiz-bang multiple image technique that we haven't seen since the dawn of MTV. 

What brought this on? When accepting the Milestone Award at last night's Billboard Music Awards, Justin Bieber was met with boos. He proceeded to get on the defense and (sort of) scolded the crowd, "I'm an artist and I should be taken seriously." Ahem.

More from the Billboard Awards:
Stars work the red carpet
Miguel accidentally kicks two fans
 

David Beckham plays soccer? Who knew? Apparently, he's been doing this for several years, alongside modeling underpants and appearing on the red carpet with Victoria Beckham. Soccer. . . well, ain't that a corker?

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Video: Miley's still talking about that Maxim 'hottest' award , , ,

. . . And Gwynnie's still talking about the Met gala

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Oh. Em. Gee. Either Michael and G.O.B. Bluth just found a way to get Lucille off their backs forever (can one siphon martinis into the crawl space of the Aztec Tomb?) or Season 4 of "Arrested Development" heralds a new era of brotherly love.

Scroll on and marvel as Michael waxes philosophic about a certain Segway-riding, anthropomorphic banana cartoon:

OK, actually Jason Bateman and Will Arnett were just brushing up on their adorability skills between promotional duties in New York on Thursday when they clutched paws and set off to share in the joys of the city streets together.

"Perfect weather for banana grabbing, lunch time in Times Square tomorrow," Bateman tweeted on Wednesday ahead of a visit to the Bluth's banana stand. "Arnett loves a good banana and nuts in the middle of the day."

Um, clearly. Just look at the expression on his face:


May 26, people. T minus nine ...


 

Back in March, Buzzfeed asked 20 young folks at the Nation For Marriage rally to explain why they believe that, in the words of Prop 8, "only marriage between a man and a woman is valid."

Now, George Takei is using his magical powers of awesomeness to respond.

Children, obey George Takei in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Colossians, 3:20. 

Head over to Buzzfeed to see more great responses to "traditional" marriage supporters from our favorite USS Enterprise helmsman ...