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Real men don't copy

By Kat Giantis Feb 21, 2013 10:51AM
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Shia LaBeouf is here to remind you why you should never write anything in an email that you wouldn't want shared with the whole world. After it was announced on Wednesday that he was exiting his imminent Broadway debut in a revival of "Orphans" over the usual "creative differences," he decided to break down exactly what those differences were. His method: leaking private emails exchanged with co-stars Alec Baldwin and Tom Sturridge, along with the play's director, Daniel Sullivan. As you'd expect from a thespian of the "Transformers" oeuvre, Shia's words are dramatic and emotional. Turns out most of the ones from his mea culpa mail to Baldwin are also lifted directly from an Esquire piece on how to be a man. Read and compare ...

Here's the text of Shia's email to Alec:

My dad was a drug dealer. He was a s--- human. But he was a man. He taught me how to be a man. What I know of men, Alec is-

 

A man is good at his job. Not his work, not his avocation, not his hobby. Not his career. His job.

 

A man can look you up and down and figure some things out. Before you say a word, he makes you. From your suitcase, from your watch, from your posture. A man infers.

 

A man owns up. That's why Mark McGwire is not a man. A man grasps his mistakes. He lays claim to who he is, and what he was, whether he likes them or not.

 

Some mistakes, though, he lets pass if no one notices. Like dropping the steak in the dirt.

 

He does not rely on rationalizations or explanations. He doesn't winnow, winnow, winnow until truths can be humbly categorized, or intellectualized, until behavior can be written off with an explanation.

 

A man knows his tools and how to use them -- just the ones he needs. Knows which saw is for what, how to find the stud.

 

A man does not know everything. He doesn't try. He likes what other men know.

 

A man can tell you he was wrong. That he did wrong. That he planned to.

 

He can tell you when he is lost. He can apologize, even if sometimes it's just to put an end to the bickering.

 

Alec, I'm sorry for my part of a dis-agreeable situation. - Shia.

 

And here's an excerpt from Esquire's "What Is a Man?" from 2009:

A man is good at his job. Not his work, not his avocation, not his hobby. Not his career. His job. It doesn't matter what his job is, because if a man doesn't like his job, he gets a new one.
 
A man can look you up and down and figure some things out. Before you say a word, he makes you. From your suitcase, from your watch, from your posture. A man infers.
 
A man owns up. That's why Mark McGwire is not a man. A man grasps his mistakes. He lays claim to who he is, and what he was, whether he likes them or not.


Some mistakes, though, he lets pass if no one notices. Like dropping the steak in the dirt.


He does not rely on rationalizations or explanations. He doesn't winnow, winnow, winnow until truths can be humbly categorized, or intellectualized, until behavior can be written off with an explanation. 


A man knows his tools and how to use them -- just the ones he needs. Knows which saw is for what, how to find the stud, when to use galvanized nails.


A man can tell you he was wrong. That he did wrong. That he planned to. He can tell you when he is lost. He can apologize, even if sometimes it's just to put an end to the bickering.

We're also pretty sure a man wouldn't try to pass off another's work as his own, but if he did, he'd fess up to doing it. Anyhoodie, for more on Shia's Broadway kerfuffle, read on ...

 

See her skull-bonking weapon of choice ...

By Kat Giantis 12 minutes ago

WENNAfter so many years on the road, the grind may be getting to Rihanna. On Monday night, she once again left fans angry and frustrated when she turned up more than two hours late for the Birmingham, England, stop on her Diamonds world tour. The all too familiar delay came after she apparently partied into the wee small hours with model Cara Delevingne. Perhaps RiRi's tardiness explains why one audience member was reluctant to let her go once she was within touching distance. WENN

 

While belting out "We Found Love," the chanteuse waded into the Birmingham crowd and greeted front-row fans. Bodyguards and a metal barrier protected her from the screaming masses, but she still couldn't break the grip of an overzealous admirer. She tried to pull away before quickly bonking the offender on the noggin with her microphone, producing a thud and freeing her to strut off.

 

Watch the incident from two different but equally annoying angles below:



 

Random thoughts get 'Arrested Development'-inspired voiceover

By Pop Spy -- Jennifer Odell 8 hours ago
Ron Howard, master narrator, can apparently turn any lame soundbyte of your internal monologue into the makings of a perfect/ridiculous TV show.

In order to prove his secret skill, Howard used his "Arrested Development" voiceover style to read a pile of random tweets from the show's fans. And, perhaps struck with a Lindsay Bluth Funke sense of entitlement, he opted to go off script as much as he liked, extemporizing from tweets like this:

“I wish I had a #burger #ADNarrates.”

[Zzzzz ...]

To this:

 ”Out of all the things Camille could have had an Oscar-winning director narrate, she chose lunch.”

[Tehe]

Not that all the users who sent in tweets were without senses of humor. We're lookin' at you, tweeter with a vodka rocks and a slice of toast on the brain ...



 

And surprise, surprise: She's gone ...

By Kat Giantis 10 hours ago
Rex Features

If Charlie Sheen were being evaluated on the same scale as, say, a kindergartner (which is a stretch -- a kindergartner is far more mature), his report home might note that he doesn't play well with others. Amid rumblings of trouble with his "Anger Management" co-star Selma Blair, she's been dropped from the show.  


"We are confirming that Selma Blair will not be returning to 'Anger Management,'" the studio said in a statement on Tuesday afternoon (via The Wrap), "and we wish her the very best."


The move comes hours after TMZ reported that Sheen had warned producers that if they didn't fire Blair pronto, he'd quit.

 

Charlie's title-inappropriate tantrum was apparently touched off by his belief that Selma had complained to the powers-that-be about his work ethic and tardiness. On Monday, he informed producers that he wanted them to begin the "termination process" immediately, meaning they had to formulate "an exit strategy" for Blair's character.

 

He reportedly threatened to ditch the remainder of his 100-episode "Anger" order from FX if they didn't give in to his canning demands. The show is about halfway through its order. Word is, Sheen's contract will net him somewhere between $75 million to $200 million, roughly 40 percent of the show's profits (yes, kids, life ain't fair).


You'll recall that when Charlie got the boot from "Two and a Half Men" in 2011, the network cited his public dissing of the show's creator, Chuck Lorre, along with his "physical appearance, inability to deliver lines, inability to collaborate creatively with staff and crew, inability to work with the executive producers, inflammatory comments poisoning key working relationships, and frustration of the show’s creative environment by the public spectacle of his self-inflicted disintegration."

 

Selma wasn't on the "Anger Management" set on Monday, when execs were said to be trying to calm things down (to no avail), and when asked by paparazzi about the situation, she said, "I don't know anything."


 

... and for our next understatement ...

By Pop Spy -- Jennifer Odell 12 hours ago
Attention, journalism broadcast students: We humbly submit this "Morning Joe" segment, oh let's call it, "How Not to Act on TV ... Ever," for your study purposes.

While attempting to interview Russell Brand about his Messiah Complex stand-up tour, Katty Kay, Brian Shactman and Mika Brzezinsk alternately talk over their guest, neglect to ask about his tour and repeatedly refer to him in the third person "as if I'm an extra-terrestrial," as Brand, who constantly asks them to please call me "Russell" not "him," politely puts it.

At first the comic takes the situation as a challenge. Visibly egged on, he gestures to the computer-bees working away behind him and when told they're handling social media duties, he innocently jokes, "they're tweeting themselves silly."

But the "Morning Joe" crew can't handle even the most miniscule of jokes. Brzezinsk tries to cut the interview short, asking if anyone has any more questions "for him" because "I'm nervous." Schactman, offended that Brand teased him about his tie, can barely say anything unrelated to "I can't understand his accent."

And holy crap. Is Katty Kay calling Russell "Willie Brand" then giggling in reference to the Willie Brand who was court martialed for his alleged role in the deaths of two prisoners in Afghanistan?

"Who is Willie?" Russell asks before completely taking over the show, promising upcoming looks at Edward Snowden's motives and more. Kay can't answer, of course, because her head is on the desk in front of her. So we'll let you take a look and decide for yourself.

Oof.



 

He also joins the Prancercise craze with new video …

By Kat Giantis 13 hours ago
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One year ago, John Mayer kvetched to Rolling Stone about the "humiliation" he suffered over "Dear John," Taylor Swift's unflattering ode to their rumored late 2009/early 2010 fling. "It made me feel terrible," he said of the song. "Because I didn't deserve it. I'm pretty good at taking accountability now, and I never did anything to deserve that. It was a really lousy thing for her to do."

And what better way to take accountability than to write an answer song. He drops enough clues in his new ditty, "Paper Doll," for amateur sleuths to conclude that it is indeed about the confessional chart-topper.

 

Take this passage: "You're like 22 girls in one
/ And none of them know what they're runnin' from
/ Was it just too far to fall?
/ For a little paper doll."

 

Swift, of course, recently released the breezy tune "22." And in "Dear John," she notes, "I'll look back in regret/ How I ignored when they said, 'Run as fast as you can.'"

 

Mayer also mentions "a dress of gold and blue," a possible nod to this "Dear John" line: "The girl in the dress cried the whole way home/ I should've known."

 

The kicker comes toward the end of "Paper Doll," when he croons about how "someone's gonna paint you another sky." In "Dear John," Swift bleats, "You paint me a blue sky/ And go back and turn it to rain."


In short, Taylor got off pretty easy ("Paper Doll" isn't exactly "You're So Vain," after all), although this is probably a good time to point out that Mayer scoffed that "Dear John" was "cheap songwriting. ... It's abusing your talent to rub your hands together and go, 'Wait till he gets a load of this!' That's bulls---."


Hypocrisy or good marketing? You be the judge.


Taylor, for her part, has said all's fair in love and songwriting.

 

"If I'm gonna write songs about my exes, they can write songs about me," she shrugged earlier this year. "That's how it works. I'm not gonna complain about it. I'm not gonna sit there and say, 'I'm the only one who can write songs about this relationship.' It's fair game."


Mayer, meanwhile, appears to be making an effort to keep things lighthearted, whatever the source material. The lyric video for "Paper Doll" features Prancersising viral sensation Joanna Rohrback. Ooh and ahh as you watch ...

Hit "more" for the full lyrics to "Paper Doll," and dissect to your heart's content:
 

The actor suffers for his art on the "Lone Ranger" set ...

By Kat Giantis 15 hours ago
DisneyAmid all the controversy over Johnny Depp's portrayal of Tonto to Armie Hammer's titular masked man in the forthcoming retelling of "The Lone Ranger," one important fact has been downplayed: He risked his life for the role. During filming, the actor was tossed from his horse and trampled by its hooves.
DisneyThe incident is part of a newly released, behind-the-scenes featurette that highlights the incident and the aftermath. In the clip, the crew can be seen rushing to Depp's aid and a medic is called. Later, the former Sexiest Man Alive shows off the bruises on his chest as a female crewmember gently strokes his boo-boos.
Disney"Can I tell you what the positive thing is? That my coccyx didn't take it," Depp says, adding, "Chicks dig a broken bone." Watch for yourself:
Here's how he described the incident to David Letterman: "There was one moment in particular where it got unpleasant. The horses had been running all day, so they weren't interested in slowing down at all. My horse decided to jump a couple of obstacles in the desert, but the horse was unaware that the saddle was fake, to give the effect that I was riding bareback. So when we came down, the saddle slipped and I went to the left and grabbed the mane of the horse. And then the next thing I saw were these very muscular horse legs, this death machine, and one word popped into my head: 'Hooves.'" I figured fear would kick in but it didn't, I was very calm."


"The Lone Ranger" hits theaters July 3.


 

Exactly which lines are being blurred here?

By Pop Spy -- Jennifer Odell Mon 5:43 PM
Last week, Robin Thicke's soul-heavy, R&B-soaked "Blurred Lines," became his first No. 1 hit on the Billboard Hot 100. But some critics are looking more closely at the lyrics and the now banned video for the song.

To them, it seems more than a little icky that America is currently rocking out to an anthem about the blurred lines between what a mostly naked lady says about sex and what she actually wants.

The naked ladies in question here are Emily Ratajkowski, Jessi M’Bengue and Elle Evans, models whose boobs are on full display throughout the unrated version of the video.

As The Daily Beast points out in a piece asking if the song is too "rapey," it's a little odd that Thicke and his collaborators, T.I. and Pharrell, get to wear pants, shirts and even jackets while the objects of their desire (key word: "objects") dance around with farm animals wearing nothing but flesh-toned thongs.

And sure, maybe we're desensitized to onscreen female nudity in situations where men remain clothed. But check out the lyrics:

"I know you want it / You're a good girl / Can't let it get past me," Thicke croons. "I know you want it / But you're a good girl / The way you grab me / Must wanna get nasty."

So basically, you "must wanna" have sex with Robin Thicke, you're just not saying so?

The tune gets nastier as it goes on, courtesy of a graphic Ying-Yang Twins-esque verse from T.I. and more lots of lines about how Thicke hates "these blurred lines" and knows "you want it."

"Basically, the majority of the song (creepily named 'Blurred Lines') has the R&B singer murmuring 'I know you want it' over and over into a girl's ear," gripes blogger Lisa Huyne, via The Daily Beast. "Call me a cynic, but that phrase does not exactly encompass the notion of consent in sexual activity … Seriously, this song is disgusting — though admittedly very catchy."

When Thicke posted the unrated, nudity-filled version of the video on his Facebook page, he was greeted with a storm of negative comments, mostly from users with female names.

Comments ranged from calling the video "a waste of energy and talent" to "[it's] disgracing ... to use naked models" to "Robin, you're an intelligent man, I believe you can do way better."

Another user, meanwhile, tried to stick up for Thicke, writing, "all you plastic pseudo feminists moaning about the nudity of the women in this video seem to have missed the fact that they look like they actually really enjoyed themselves."

Yikes.

Still, some critics are shrugging their shoulders on the implications of both the words and video.

Dusting off his SAT word skills, a male writer at the Village Voice referred to the whole thing as "frolicsome ribaldry."

And former Idolator writer Maura Johnston has reportedly said that because Robin Thicke isn't threatening -- and because the topless model-version of the video is a tried and true a PR stunt -- Thicke gets a pass here.

As for Thicke's own rationale, he told VH1 that the controversy was all part of the fun.

"We pretty much wanted to take all the taboos of what you're not supposed to do," he explained, "... bestiality, you know, injecting a girl in her bum with a five-foot syringe — I just wanted to break every rule of things you're not supposed to do and make people realize how silly some of these rules are."