Cue surprise face ...
Join us, if you will, as we travel back to 2008. After a bitter divorce and custody battle, Denise Richards texted ex-husband Charlie Sheen to let him know that their daughter, Sam, was under the weather. He responded by wishing cancer on her and suggesting she "rot in hell, you [bleeping] whore."
We remind you of this because he's apparently still quick with the text tantrums. Deadline.com reports that Sheen fired Selma Blair from "Anger Management" with a text message wherein he called her the c-word. What's more, this wasn't the "only abusive, expletives-filled text she had received" from the actor, who also serves as an executive producer on the series.
On Monday, Charlie reportedly gave execs a her-or-me ultimatum because he believed Selma had complained about his work ethic. Word is, he felt betrayed because he had pushed to get her hired for the FX show.
Lionsgate Studios confirmed her exit on Tuesday.
Producers are already actively seeking an actress to replace Blair, whose contract will reportedly be paid off (all without having to kiss or cuddle up to Charlie, so score). The new castmember will not step into her role as Charlie's therapist.
Selma, meanwhile, is taking the high road in the kerfuffle and tweeted her gratitude to fans shortly after news of her departure broke: "I thank you for support and love."
... amazingly, it wasn't Madonna
Mais oui. Or so says the artist Orlan, who is suing the Mother Monster and Universal France for $31.7 million on grounds that the beginning of the "Born This Way" video features a look the singer stole from one of Orlan's pieces.
The artist -- who might wanna get in line behind Madonna with her finger-wagging -- says the disembodied heads you see above not only look like but were even constructed in the same manner as Orlan's "Femme a Tete," built in 1996.
Le Quotidien de l'Art broke the news Wednesday, prompting buzz from a number of European and visual arts publications. According to the National Post, Orlan's $31.7 million figure represents 7.5 percent of what the video and album sales of "Born This Way" have already raked in. She is reportedly also asking that the album be taken off the market.
The suspicious chatter reportedly began shortly after Gaga was spotted rocking those little skin-toned shelves on either side of her head to promote the video. Though not surgically implanted as Orlan's external bumps were, they look mighty familiar, says French blogger de Camille (via HuffPo).
Various other art taste makers and bloggers quickly noticed the similarities, yielding sites like the Tumblr gagaorlan.com, which is entirely devoted to proselytizing about the Gaga's art of the rip-off.
Still, $31.7 million is a lotta bread, especially when you consider that Madonna has yet to take Lady G. to court over the relatively explicit idea-poaching of "Express Yourself" for "Born This Way."
Then again, maybe calling the kid on her you-know-what from the stage of an arena is more poignant. It's gotta be more fun ...
Orlean / Gaga photo, courtesy decamille.com.
Miley can't stop, but we wish she would ...
Miley cozies up to a doll. The doll then presumably went to authorities and used her own plastic body to show where Miley touched her.
Who doesn't prefer a guy with Old Faithful in his pants? Nothing more attractive than a crotch geyser.
Whatever he has must be catching, because this lady's private parts are also smoking. We suggest penicillin ASAP.
Here's a skull made of french fries, because, sure. Surprisingly, this doesn't put us off fries.
This guy munching on a sandwich full of $100 bills, an apparent metaphor for the cash wasted on this high-concept, sense-free video.
You'd think we'd focus on the hot dog being smoked like a blunt. Nope, we're more concerned with how excited that girl in the background is by the pork products littering the floor after tumbling from a pinata.
This girl slices off her (plastic) fingers and Pepto-Bismol spills out, which we suppose is a good thing, considering how upset our tummy gets after we mutilate ourselves.
Miley presents her butt for inspection. Let's hope she didn't smoke any of those wieners.
Miley makes an enemy of PETA by wearing a fur coat and carrying some sort of taxidermied creature. Oh, and she's pulling this on a leash ...
Please see aforementioned psychological scarring.
We love Wonder Bread, too, but unlike this guy, we don't love Wonder Bread.
These twerking, life-size teddy bears wonder how their G-rated life went so wrong.
Oooh, naughty. Maybe. Honestly, we have no idea what's going on ...
It may not have the appeal of "D--- in a Box," but what "(I Wanna) Channing All Over Your Tatum" lacks in catchiness it makes up for in goofy suggestiveness. Four months after "White House Down" co-stars Tatum and Jamie Foxx debuted the song on Jimmy Kimmel's post-Oscar special, it now has a really weird video, with cameos from Miley Cyrus, Olivia Munn, Gabourey Sidibe and the late night host's longtime nemesis, Matt Damon.
Are you as confused as Kimmel about what the ditty is about? The new dad and reigning Sexiest Man Alive raps an explanation: "Channing Tatum on the mic, I know you're kind of confused/ We all be singing out my name making sexual moves/ But if you're gonna go and Channing then you better be warned/ Going Channing on the Tatum makes the babies be born/ Respect the name my mama gave me and don't be no fool/ Please be smart before you Channing, also stay in school."
Adds Foxx, "I see a pretty lady sippin' on a drink / I gaze into her eyes, then our glasses go clink / And I know/ I wanna Channing all over her Tatum! … When ya splashing in the water and you think you might drown/ Channing tosses you his noodle and he calms your ass down. … He just Channing'd all over your Tatum."
Oh, and Miley, sporting a teeny, Channing-emblazoned crop top, somehow ends up pinned under a vending machine. Just watch it.
See her skull-bonking weapon of choice ...
After so many years on the road, the grind may be getting to Rihanna. On Monday night, she once again left fans angry and frustrated when she turned up more than two hours late for the Birmingham, England, stop on her Diamonds world tour. The all too familiar delay came after she apparently partied into the wee small hours with model Cara Delevingne. Perhaps RiRi's tardiness explains why one audience member was reluctant to let her go once she was within touching distance.
While belting out "We Found Love," the chanteuse waded into the Birmingham crowd and greeted front-row fans. Bodyguards and a metal barrier protected her from the screaming masses, but she still couldn't break the grip of an overzealous admirer. She tried to pull away before quickly whacking the offender with her microphone, producing a thud and freeing her to strut off.
In a since-deleted Twitter exchange, a witness noted, "[Rihanna] just hit someone with her mic on accident haha oops." RiRi, living up to the name of her "Unapologetic" album, reportedly responded: "Purpose! That b---- won't let me go."
Watch the incident from two different but equally annoying angles below:
Leo dances, Mariah bares skin and more linkage ...
More news ...
Can we just agree that Justin Bieber shouldn't be allowed to drive ever?
Mariah Carey tweets monokini-fueled selfies. Is this the ugliest bathing suit ever?
And here we thought drinking her own urine was strange. Turns out Ke$ha gets up to some odd behavior when she can't sleep
Amanda Bynes somehow persuaded a plastic surgeon that her nose needed tweaking
Any guesses on the "real truth" that Katy Perry has on Russell Brand?
Johnny Depp thinks he handled his split from Vanessa Paradis like a grownup (unlike that time he changed his Winona Forever tattoo to Wino Forever)
Lady Gaga, is that really you?
You know that novelty movie t-shirt gathering dust in your drawer? Wear it, because you never know who you might randomly bump into on the street. Just look what happened to this lucky guy from Tel Aviv ...
Random thoughts get 'Arrested Development'-inspired voiceover
In order to prove his secret skill, Howard used his "Arrested Development" voiceover style to read a pile of random tweets from the show's fans. And, perhaps struck with a Lindsay Bluth Funke sense of entitlement, he opted to go off script as much as he liked, extemporizing from tweets like this:
“I wish I had a #burger #ADNarrates.”
”Out of all the things Camille could have had an Oscar-winning director narrate, she chose lunch.”
Not that all the users who sent in tweets were without senses of humor. We're lookin' at you, tweeter with a vodka rocks and a slice of toast on the brain ...
And surprise, surprise: She's gone ...
If Charlie Sheen were being evaluated on the same scale as, say, a kindergartner (which is a stretch -- a kindergartner is far more mature), his report home might note that he doesn't play well with others. Amid rumblings of trouble with his "Anger Management" co-star Selma Blair, she's been dropped from the show.
"We are confirming that Selma Blair will not be returning to 'Anger Management,'" the studio said in a statement on Tuesday afternoon (via The Wrap), "and we wish her the very best."
The move comes hours after TMZ reported that Sheen had warned producers that if they didn't fire Blair pronto, he'd quit.
Charlie's title-inappropriate tantrum was apparently touched off by his belief that Selma had complained to the powers-that-be about his work ethic and tardiness. On Monday, he informed producers that he wanted them to begin the "termination process" immediately, meaning they had to formulate "an exit strategy" for Blair's character.
He reportedly threatened to ditch the remainder of his 100-episode "Anger" order from FX if they didn't give in to his canning demands. The show is about halfway through its order. Word is, Sheen's contract will net him somewhere between $75 million to $200 million, roughly 40 percent of the show's profits (yes, kids, life ain't fair).
You'll recall that when Charlie got the boot from "Two and a Half Men" in 2011, the network cited his public dissing of the show's creator, Chuck Lorre, along with his "physical appearance, inability to deliver lines, inability to collaborate creatively with staff and crew, inability to work with the executive producers, inflammatory comments poisoning key working relationships, and frustration of the show’s creative environment by the public spectacle of his self-inflicted disintegration."
Selma wasn't on the "Anger Management" set on Monday, when execs were said to be trying to calm things down (to no avail), and when asked by paparazzi about the situation, she said, "I don't know anything."