Are the many, many sex scenes on "Girls" just not graphic and frequent enough for you? Then we have good news. Hustler has made a porno version of the HBO series, a plan that has creator and star Lena Dunham on edge.

 

"I wish I had a better attitude about the 'Girls' porn parody," she tweeted on Thursday. "I really can never predict what will trouble me and it's simply exhausting."

 

The creatively titled "This Ain't Girls XXX" is reportedly due out in a few months, and the plot centers, as you'd expect, on an X-rated version of Dunham's small-screen alter ego, Hannah.

 

We'll let porn industry site Xbiz (via Vulture) explain: "In the XXX parody, Hannah (Alex Chance) decides to forsake men and boyfriend Adam (Richie Calhoun) to experiment with lesbianism. After a few satisfying jaunts she returns to Adam -- and mankind. Adam accepts her back into the fold, but, true to the original show, adds a dominant and quirky dimension to the scene."

 

Calhoun says he tried to make his Adam portrayal "as weird as possible. I tried to say really weird things and do really weird positions." That must have been a challenge, given how weird non-porn Adam already is.

 

Joe Francis has issued a mea culpa for saying that the Los Angeles jury that convicted him earlier this month on charges of false imprisonment and assault is "retarded" and "should be shot … by a firing squad."

 

The "Girls Gone Wild" founder made the statements on camera to The Hollywood Reporter one day after the so-called "stupid, stupid idiots" found him guilty of three counts of false imprisonment, one count of dissuading a witness from reporting and one count of assault causing great bodily injury, all stemming from a January 2011 incident in which he allegedly imprisoned three young women at his Bel-Air home (and purportedly pummeled one of them).

 

"Just to convict people 'cause you're jealous of them is retarded," ranted Francis (watch below). "And you're a retarded jury, and you should be shot dead. You should. If they had the death penalty for juries, you should be shot. Dead. By a firing squad."

 

See, according to Francis, "the problem with the jury system is that anyone who's not smart enough to come with an excuse to get out of jury duty doesn't get out. Only the stupidest of the stupidest people end up on juries, you know? I've never met a smart person who's done jury duty."

 

Anything else there, Joe? "I want that jury to know that each and every one of you are mentally [bleeping] retarded and you should be euthanized because, as Darwin said, you have naturally selected yourself," he bloviated. "You are the weakest members of the herd."

 

After presumably getting a stern talking-to from his legal team, he issued the apology.

 

"I deeply regret the remarks attributed to me in the interview with The Hollywood Reporter," Francis, 40, said in a statement (and by "attributed," he means, "Looked into the camera and stated without hesitation"). "They were hurtful and do not reflect my true feelings. While I disagree with the jury's verdict as I am completely innocent of the charges and intend to appeal, I was afforded a fair trial, and if I lose at the appellate level, I will reluctantly but fully accept the jury's verdict."

 

And despite claiming that his remarks were "manipulated by the media," he insists, "I am truly, truly sorry. I hope everyone will understand I was not being serious, and that I fully and deeply apologize for my remarks."

 

That's a big hope for him to have.

 

"All that was publicized were my most intemperate remarks that were borne out of frustration but with no intent to cause anyone harm. I am not, nor have I ever been, a violent person," asserts Francis, who was once accused of brutally twisting the arm of a female Los Angeles Times reporter while pinning her against a car. During an interview. "My comments are appalling, but anyone who has ever been wrongfully convicted of a crime that they did NOT commit would be as frustrated as I am."

 

Francis, whose legal troubles are legion, is facing a maximum of five years in jail at his sentencing on July 9, although he told THR that, "at the most, I could get 90 days of anger management."

 

By the by, one the jurors who convicted Francis responded to his "retarded" claims to Gawker. Here's an excerpt:

 

"We just chose to rely on the evidence presented and (mostly) on the testimony of three women who described the night as one of the worst in their lives. All three are in their 20s and they had very emotional testimonies. The 911 calls from that night, the several of them, would be harrowing for a lot of people to hear -– not necessarily the jurors or people in the courtroom, but people in general. Those were very emotionally charged calls that were not coming from a place of, 'I'm just trying to get one over on a celebrity so I can file a civil suit.'

 

I'm sorry Joe Francis didn't like our decision, but I genuinely hope he takes this as a lesson that his actions do carry actual consequences -- for him, for us, and most of all for the woman he assaulted. He could have caused a concussion, and they checked for one at the hospital. I don't expend much energy thinking about Joe Francis either way, although I do believe he's guilty of the crimes we convicted him of and I could live without the whole lined up and shot thing. Honestly, Joe, I wish you the best. Now please stop talking about me."

 

Never underestimate Howard Stern's skills as an interviewer, because in between those fart noises, he knows just what to ask to elicit the most entertaining response. Case in point: Newly minted "Saturday Night Live" alum Bill Hader sat down with the King of All Media this week and ended up revealing the entourage differences between "SNL" hosts Justin Timberlake and Justin Bieber.

 

When Howard noted his surprise that Timberlake was such a good repeat host, Hader enthusiastically agreed.

 

"He's great," said the funnyman. "Also, guy doesn't show up with anybody. It's just him."

 

By contrast, recalled Hader, "Justin Bieber showed up with like 20 guys. When you're backstage, it's a very small [area]. He had a guy holding a slice of pizza, a guy holding a Diet Coke, going around stage. You're trying to fight through all these people to get dressed. Timberlake, it was just him. He's a real class act, that guy."

Watch Hader's farewell as Stefon ...

Then check out Justin getting classy in his most popular 'SNL' sketch ...


 

Alas, he is also super dead.

"The Hangover Part III" hits theaters this week, and once again, director Todd Philips has succeeded in upsetting PETA. Whereas previous "Hangover" installations have involved Mike Tyson's tiger, chickens and a Capuchin monkey, the trailer for Part III makes it quite clear that this giraffe gets into a fatal altercation with a highway overpass.

And that's just one of PETA's issues with the flick. Speaking to Radar, a rep for the group bemoaned the movie's use of violence against animals -- including a rooster and some dogs -- for the sake of comedy:

"We regret that unlike most Hollywood directors, ['Hangover Part III' director] Todd Philips remains insensitive to what animals are put through to make a film, and that despite evidence given to him about the abuse and stress inherent in training wild animals such as giraffes, monkeys and tigers, he is still including them in his movies."

While Radar notes that the decapitated giraffe was computer-generated, PETA maintains that a real giraffe was filmed in the studio. And it seems sound stages are bad for a giraffe's anxiety level.

"Phillips filmed a real giraffe in the studio to create the character, an entirely unnecessary stressor for the giraffe, given what is now possible with CGI. Giraffes are extremely delicate creatures who are easily upset and become nervous in surroundings that are unfamiliar and therefore frightening to them."

Probably worth noting that the characters in Philips' movie don't exactly promote kindness toward humans either, a fact that prompts Alan (Zach Galifianakis) to complain to Mr. Chow (Ken Jeong) that, "when we get together, bad things happen and people get hurt."

"Yeah, that's the point," snipes Chow. "It's funny."

Reviews involving phrases like "one long headache" and "none of this violence is funny" suggest that it's not. But check out the trailer and judge for yourself ...


 

Next week, Morgan Freeman turns 76, so he's more than earned the right to a nap every now and then. Unfortunately, he grabbed a few winks on Wednesday during an early-morning on-air interview with Seattle's FOX News affiliate Q13. The heavy-lidded actor was being interviewed alongside Michael Caine about their forthcoming magicians-as-bankrob​bers film "Now You See Me," but the conversation apparently wasn't all that scintillating. As the anchors gushed about the flick, the erstwhile white-suited Lord from "Bruce Almighty" couldn't stop his head from drooping onto his chest. Luckily, the loquacious Caine kept the interview moving along. Still, the British thespian was more than ready to wrap up the promotional portion of his day. At the end of the chat, Caine asked someone off-camera, "Is this the last one?" Watch the full interview below ...

Update: In a statement to "Entertainment Tonight," Freeman joked, "I wasn't actually sleeping. I'm a beta tester for Google Eyelids. I was merely updating my Facebook page."So tired ...

But when he's awake, he's divine ...
 

In the name of equal opportunity on-screen skin time, J.J. Abrams showed Wednesday's "Conan" viewers a deleted scene from "Star Trek Into Darkness" in which Benedict Cumberbatch strips down and cleans up in the shower.

It was Abrams' way of making things right after critics slammed him for including a scene in which actress Alice Eve appears in her undies -- seemingly, for no plot-related reason.

"I don't think I quite edited the scene in the right way," Abrams admitted.

Noting that it was intended to be  "sort of a balance" or "trade-off" for when Chris Pine appeared shirtless as Captain Kirk, Abrams conceded that, "some people felt like it was exploiting her, and while she is lovely, I can also see their point of view."

He proceeded to share the deleted clip. When Conan suggested that Cumberbatch's nefarious character "doesn't seem to be enjoying the shower very much," Abrams offered: "No, that was a shower of evil."



 

What happens when Jennifer Aniston stops by Matthew Perry's house for a little advice? Well, pretty much the closest thing to a 'Friends' reunion we'll probably ever get.

 

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Video: Olivia Munn strips down for Esquire