Last year, the Internet attacked Christina Aguilera after she made the apparently unforgivable mistake of gaining a few pounds and stepping out in public. So it's nice to see that she's taking back control of the weight narrative. On Wednesday, the once and future "Voice" judge tweeted the pinup pose above, which shows her petite hourglass figure encased in a bra top and clingy skirt. The outfit (and scenic backdrop) were part of a music video shoot for the song "Hoy Tengo Ganas de Ti" ("Today I Want You for Me"), on which Xtina duets with singer Alejandro Fernandez. Listen below ...

 

Last spring, "MDNA" set a record for the biggest second-week sales drop in chart history, but it seems Madonna can still shake up the market -- the market for vacuum cleaners, anyway.

After Madge Instagrammed this photo of herself "cleaning up before the Met Ball" in a studded Givenchy jacket, thigh-high hose and towering pink stilettos, Miele S4 vacuum sales calls more than doubled, according to Miele's Marketing Director, Dominic Worlsey.

Not one to pass up the first and probably last pop music - vacuum pun opportunity of his career, Worlsey tells Handbag.com:

"We've had so much interest that we've contacted her as a potential brand ambassador to launch the 'Immaculate Collection' of Miele vacuums. Inspired by the fashion forward icon, the range could emulate Madonna's most unforgettable outfits, from a pink Material Girl design, to an edgy look reminiscent of her Jean Paul Gaultier pointy braziers."

But why stop there? How 'bout a vacuum that plays church choir music a la "Like a Prayer"? A vacuum made of jelly beans as an homage to Madonna's work with Jellybean Benitez? Wait, wait: a vacuum where the bag is a little doll to signify the storyline of "Papa Don't Preach!"

I mean, once you've dressed a vacuum cleaner up in a gold cone-bra from the '90s, the sky's kinda the limit ...



 

Sometime soon, a deep-pocketed art aficionado will dig into a cheesecake while humming "Thank You for Being a Friend," all while staring jubilantly at his or her latest acquisition. During a Christie's auction Wednesday in New York, an anonymous buyer plunked down $1.91 million for a painting of a steely-eyed Bea Arthur with her pendulous golden girls on prominent display.

"Bea Arthur Naked" is the brainchild of artist John Currin, who based the 1991 topless work on a (fully clothed) photo of the late actress.

 

"I had a vision in my head of Bea Arthur, and I found a picture of her," Currin has said of the piece (see the full portrait here). "I was going to put a scarf ensemble on her like that from her 'Maude' days, and I drew the body just to drape it. It was then that I realized that the painting was fantastic as it was. I loved being repelled by those two black eyes and falling back into these wonderful, soft breasts, which draw you back in. I thought about the personae of the middle-aged women that were pictured in this series, and I imagined them as being divorced and cast out, like harlequins wandering the beach. They are all self-portraits in a sense."

Heavy. Let's lighten things up with some of Dorothy Zbornak's best zingers ...


 

Wait, so Demi and Ashton are still not officially divorced yet? Yup, and apparently, it's all over -- what else? -- money.

 

More news:

 

Celeb judges shakedown: Minaj done with 'Idol'? | Shakira departs 'Voice'

 

Wanna ask out Katie Holmes? You're not alone!

 

Susan Boyle is coming to a concert hall near you

 

Jaden, Will Smith are LOLing at those emancipation rumors

 

Usher's nanny is suing mad

 

Oh no! Kanye West's $750,000 Lamborghini has been damaged!

 

J.Lo may have another trip down the aisle in her yet

 

'Star Trek' getting beamed up to the International Space Station

 

Pic: Tori Spelling shows off golf ball-sized anniversary ring

 

Get ready for some more dead celeb holograms

 

Tobias Funke may have been doomed as Frightened Inmate #2 in that prison film, given his "condition," but even the worst case of Never Nude Syndrome can't stop a green screen from working its theatrical magic!

For proof, look no further than Ron Howard's Twitter:

Yes, as the May 26 arrival of "Arrested Development" Season 4 draws ever nearer, Lindsay Bluth Funke's psychiatrist-turned-​pseudo-actor husband is putting the show's buzz to good use with a little self-promotion.

Thanks to InsertMeAnywhere.biz​ (cough), Dr. Funke has at last found a way to show directors his many possible looks and moves, from slinging guns a la Rambo to ... um, wearing leather. Head to toe. At a club.

Anyway, cue the "sizzle reel!"

 Carl Weathers would be so proud.

 

Is there a princely duet in Captain Kirk and Jack Twist's future?

Could be. Chris Pine and Jake Gyllenhaal have both auditioned for singing parts in Rob Marshall's take on the Stephen Sondheim musical, "Into the Woods," according to The Hollywood Reporter. Although the actors are both still reportedly in the discussion phase with Marshall, they'll join Meryl Streep and Johnny Depp if they end up inking deals.

The musical tells the story of a baker and his wife who head into the forest to deal with the nasty witch (Streep) who has cast a spell of childlessness upon them. While traveling, the spouses stumble upon a variety of famous fairytale characters, including Little Red Riding Hood (Depp is set to play the wolf).

Pine and Gyllenhaal would reportedly play a pair of self-important brothers who happen to be the princes responsible for climbing Rapunzel's hair and dressing Cinderella's foot, respectively.

As neither actor has ever sung on the big screen, it's fair to wonder if Jake will ask his "Love and Other Drugs" co-star and newbie "Les Mis" vocalist, Anne Hathaway, for first-time crooning tips. On the other hand, maybe he already has it in the bag. Check out his pipes in the clip below and judge for yourself:
And just for kicks, here's a version of "Agony" -- that duet we're now crossing our fingers for:




 

Sometimes stars really are just like us. Take Rihanna, who has been filling the downtime on her Diamonds tour by catching up on "Real Housewives of Atlanta" episodes, according to Us Weekly (in the pic above, she makes the same face we do while watching any "Real Housewives" incarnation).

 

"She's crazy about it and watches it all the time," tattles an insider. "She can't keep up with many shows on the road, so she likes that she can jump back into it without having to remember the story line."

Like the rest of us, RiRi has her cast favorites: "She loves NeNe Leakes, and she thinks Kenya Moore is cray-cray."

 

And given how many times the chanteuse has broken up and reconciled with Chris Brown, she knows from cray-cray.

 

"After nearly a hundred 'Kitchen Nightmares,' I've met two owners who I could not help."

So declared a fed-up, and scarily calm Gordon Ramsay on the May 10 episode of his show. He walked out on Amy and Samy Bouzaglo of Amy's Baking Company in Scottsdale, Ariz., after determining that they were, in Ramsay's words, "incapable of listening."

Example A:

"We are in the restaurant business," Amy later advised. "It's not all daisies and ponies and unicorns."

Indeed. But that clip barely skims the surface. In the full episode, Samy threatens a customer who has waited over an hour for a pizza, suggesting "why don't you go f--- yourself." Amy mutters "I hope it hurts him" while making a special dish for another customer; we learn that the waitresses may not touch the computer or the money (not even to enter orders for the kitchen), and they apparently don't get to keep their tips; Ramsay criticizes Samy and Amy for serving frozen, store-bought items; and the restaurateurs threaten to call the cops on someone who tries to leave before his long-awaited food is ready.

"You are a little pansy," Amy yells out the door after throwing someone out. "Get out of here and keep walking."

Amy also explains that she and Samy have had a little trouble with online reviewers in the past. Such as? 

"Amy is PSYCHO.... you are evil..... get help! I see the wild crazy in your eyes," writes one Yelp user. 

"I thought it was excellent for a Holocaust themed restaurant," opines another. "The owners were really good at staying in character, going so far as to physically accost some patrons while refusing service to others based upon race and creed. The servers' looks of fear and slight bow to their backs from all the cowering really added to the ambiance."

Here's Amy's take on such criticism: "We stand up to … haters and horrible bloggers because they're used to eating wood chips. (Wood chips?) "I have issues with customers that are trying to be online bullies and say horrible things."

After the episode aired, a deluge of negative comments did turn up on their Facebook, Yelp and Reddit pages. The couple appeared to respond by completely losing their you-know-what, and happily for the Internet, Gawker immortalized the amazingness with screencaps:

We can't post most of the other screencaps because we'd prefer to protect your innocent eyes from the uncensored text of epithet-laden threats like this one:

"To all of the Yelpers and Reddits: Bring it on. you are just [insert word that sometimes -- though not in this case -- precedes the word "cat"]. come to Arizona. you are weaker than my wife, and weaker than me. come to my business. say it to my face. man to man. my wife is a jewel in the desert. you are just trash …"

Oh, heck. Here's a little taste:

(... she's not a witch -- or so she says -- but she elaborates with F-bombs. And then she gets biblical ...)

Finally, on Tuesday, Amy and Samy posted a new message:

"Obviously our Facebook, YELP, Twitter and Website have been hacked. We are working with the local authorities as well as the FBI computer crimes unit to ensure this does not happen again. We did not post those horrible things. Thank You Amy &Samy"

Right. Because Amy is a "jewel in the desert." Come to Arizona. She'll show you all ...