By Diane Vadino

Special to MSN TV

Doesn't it seem like just yesterday that Brad and Emily made out on a South African hilltop and pledged undying love to each other? Yes? Well, we all know how that went (poorly) -- and so Emily's back, with her six-year-old Ricki and sad stories and incredibly white teeth. She's 26, she wears tight sweaters and red pants to the park, and she's set on finding love so she doesn't have to go through that hassle ever again. ("I thought I was done dating!" she tells Chris Harrison about her post-Brad conclusions.) Here's the thing about Emily: 95 percent of the time she is incredibly, watching-water-boil,​ staring-at-paint-dry​ing boring, just a nervous smile and tremendously big eyes. Then there's five percent of the time where she just drops the act and snarls -- she did this once on "After the Final Rose" and it was, no joke, electrifying. Please God let us see more of the interesting Emily and less of the perfectly coiffed pageant queen, or this season is going to be deadly. 

Bing: More about Emily Maynard | 'The Bachelorette'

As we get up to speed on the realities of Emily's life in Charlotte, NC, as a single mom and collectively try to figure out how she afforded that McMansion she shares with her daughter, we meet a few of Emily's bachelors. We have: douche-y Kalon ("I used to be a womanizer"); cutie Ryan, who has the world's happiest golden retriever ("I played eight years of pro football"); single dad Tony ("I buy and sell lumber and plywood"), sole African-American guy Lerone, who has the world's smallest dog and does not look like Shemar Moore but seems to think he is equitably attractive; singer/songwriter David ("Emily is exactly the kind of woman I'd want to be with ... well-postured"); Charlie ("I may have had a head injury but there's nothing wrong with my heart"); entrepreneur Jef ("I like being underestimated"), and race car driver Arie ("There's one thing I'm worried about...."). Regular viewers will remember that Emily's PDF (poor, dead fiancé) was also a race car driver, and en route to a race when he died in a plane crash. 

Photos: 'Bachelorette' stars: Where are they now? | This season's contestants

What does Emily want? She wants not to discuss the PDF ("To be honest i don't want to talk about that anymore" -- we'll see what the producers think of that) and "a minivan full of babies." "Let's not open with that speech to the guys," Chris advises her. 

Of course, Emily could be actively vomiting on the ground, and it wouldn't slow up the fawning greetings she gets as the guys exit their limos. This episode of "The Bachelorette" is like the first 10 minutes of a war movie where you're still trying to figure out who's sticking around for the rest of the show. We have: Sean; single dad Doug ("I'm a hugger, is that okay?" -- surprise, it is); "fitness model" Jackson; Joe; Kyle; Chris; Aaron ("I am high school biology teacher but I'm here to have chemistry with you," he says -- and his students self-immolate from hysterical laughter); Alessandro (who lists his hometowns as, variably, Brazil and Minneapolis); and "party MC" Stevie (with a boombox). Someone says, roughly, that "Life's not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments life takes our breath away" cliché. But we have too many more guys to stop and really let that soak in -- there's Randy ("You stuck out in my mind"), accountant Nate ("You smell really good"), Brent, "Wolf," Travis ("This egg is a symbol of you and Ricki"), rehab counselor "Music Mike," marine biologist Jean-Paul, and Alejandro from Medellin. And then -- of course, somebody has to arrive by helicopter. This season, it's Kalon. "Whoever this is, we're all going to hate him," someone else says, and that someone else is right. "She's a princess, and she looks like it," Kalon says, annoyingly. 

Next we have the evening's cocktail hour. The guys basically all bleed into one big, fawning mass except for the guy with six kids; Jef, who comes off as surprisingly cool, and Sean, who gets into some sort of weird passive-aggressive fight with Kalon. Then there's Doug, who, in lieu of an ostrich egg, has brought Emily a letter from his 12-year-old son, attesting to his own positive attributes. It is an utterly successful move, and it wins Doug the first-impression rose. "I'm just glad helicopter guy didn't get it," says Sean, while the rest of the guys grumble in agreement. 

Faster than ever, we have the rose ceremony. A million boring white guys get roses. Lerone does not, which is disappointing, as it would be nice for this experiment in diversity to last longer than a single hour. Father-of-six Brent is out and drawing all kinds of inappropriate conclusions from his dismissal. Jean-Paul, too, is gone, along with David the singer -- which means, if nothing else, we'll be spared reprises of the “Emileeeeeeee” song we heard earlier in the evening.

"The Bachelor" airs Monday, May 21, at 9 p.m. ET/PT and Mondays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC, beginning May 28.

It was anyone's guess who would be eliminated this week -- all four semifinalists were amazing dancers who brought their all to their performances. As Tom Bergeron put it "whichever way this goes, it's gonna suck." It looks like viewer votes are what sent Maria packing, since she finished first on the judges' leaderboard. To her credit, she had nothing but positive things to say about her experience on the show. Maria said she learned a lot from her "DWTS" experience, and Derek complimented her on being a "champion of life."

Bing: More about 'Dancing With the Stars' | Photos: See the dancers in action

Here's a quick look at how our three finalists did this week

Last Night on TV: Watch recaps | Video: Watch clips and more

Katherine Jenkins

Katherine's quickstep was the dance of the season! It had 1920s glamor, lightning-fast choreography and that "magic" that makes a good routine great. The judges had nothing but love for this routine, though a slight hiccup near the beginning kept Katherine from earning a perfect 30. Katherine's sexy salsa was gorgeous, but she stumbled near the end of the routine and hurt her back. After that moment, she couldn't get her composure back, but Katherine actually seemed more upset about her slip-up than the judges.

William Levy

William and Cheryl tore up the floor with their smoking hot tango. His intensity was incredible and his lines were gorgeous, though he had some control issues with his spins near the beginning of the number. Len proclaimed the dance "overall terrific," though he did comment on occasional flat-footedness from William. William's samba was amazing and the judges' choice for this week's encore: He shook his booty and did it with a smile. William's technique was as solid as his attitude and the routine earned him a perfect score.

Donald Driver

Donald's sweet waltz was a real departure from his usual intense numbers. He and Peta maintained body contact throughout the routine and his lines were gorgeous. Carrie Ann loved the emotional content of the routine but found Donald's footwork a bit lacking in the end. Donald's samba was stunning -- as usual, he brought his personality to bear while turning in a nearly perfect performance technique-wise.

Who won the week: William

Who needs to step it up: Katherine

"Dancing With the Stars" airs Mondays at 8 p.m. ET/PT and Tuesdays at 9 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.

During its Season 7 premiere show Monday night, "America's Got Talent" discovered a father/daughter singing team, a teenage clogging troupe and a music teacher who expertly played strings rigged across an entire Los Angeles theater. However, the real talent America discovered belonged to new judge Howard Stern.

Bing: More about 'America's Got Talent'

Piers Morgan's replacement was heavy on his buzzer, usually branding the first "X" to unpromising acts. But he managed to be honest and funny without going over the line -- as critics feared he would.

“If you were on an island and all you had were your birds, would you eat them?” Stern asked a 55-year-old woman who crooned "A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square" while covered with 22 cockatiels.

Also: What TV shows are returning next season?

Of course, Howard being Howard, he couldn't resist a penis joke. But he used a G-rated word and aimed it at an abominable magician/stripper the audience had already turned against.

"I wanted to see some magic and all I saw is a guy with his pants off and a rather small package, quite frankly," Stern said. "Don't feel bad. I'm in the same boat, my friend."

In fact, the night's biggest insult was leveled not by Stern but one of the rejects. When Stern told the guitarist who butchered "Proud Mary", "I’ve been in radio 35 years and you're too weird for my show,” the guitarist shot back: “That might hurt my feelings if I respected your opinion.”

Check out the video:

If anything, all three seemed a tad lenient, waving forward a man who ate a scorpion, a ventriloquist whose dummy was a dog rigged with a false bottom jaw, and a middling rapper who claimed to be inventing rhymes about the three judges on the spot.

"You don't pre-write that?" Mandel asked.

"That was 100 percent off the top of my head," the contestant said, unchallenged. (Seriously?)

The show was edited tightly -- so tightly that, at times, it resembled a typical previous-episode recap -- so it's possible that Stern wasn't really as consistently funny as he appeared, and that more controversial statements were edited out.

Still, judging the show as broadcast, it's hard not to happily wave Howard Stern onto the next round and wish him continued luck.

"America's Got Talent" airs Mondays at 8 p.m. and Tuesdays at 9 p.m. ET/PT on NBC.

Bing: More about 'Dancing With the Stars' | Photos: See the dancers in action

Our four semifinalists finished with just four points between front-runner Maria and Katherine in last place. It's anyone's guess who will be heading to the finals!

Last Night on TV: Watch recaps | Video: Watch clips and more

Here's a quick look at how the stars did this week:

William Levy

William opened the semifinals with a smoking-hot tango. He and Cheryl tore up the floor! William's lines were fantastic and his intensity was second to none. Len proclaimed the dance "overall terrific," though he did comment on occasional flat-footedness from William. Bruno called it ace, and Carrie Ann praised the routine as well, though she commented on a slight lack of control near the beginning with William's turns.

William's Technicolor, booty-shaking samba was fantastic. He and Cheryl were really in sync and William's footwork was very nearly as good as his hip shaking. This number had the whole crowd on its feet! Carrie Ann said the routine had her at hello, and Len praised the choreography and William's rhythm.

Tango: 28/30

Samba: 30/30

Score: 58/60

Katherine Jenkins

Katherine's quickstep was lightning-quick and downright incredible! It had 1920s glamor, but plenty of sizzle as well. Her footwork was incredible, her timing was perfect and she really sold the routine. Bruno was left nearly speechless and Carrie Ann said Katherine brought her "A+ game" before declaring the routine maybe the best she had ever seen on the show. Len pointed out a slight hiccup during the beginning of the routine but called it "a fabulous number."

Katherine's belly-dancing-inspir​ed salsa was all quick spins and shoulder shimmies. She and Mark moved well together right up until the end, when Katherine slipped during a tricky spin at the end and couldn't catch her breath afterwards. Carrie Ann loved the routine and praised Katherine for pushing her boundaries. Bruno was blunter, saying that Katherine "unleashed the harlot" and called the routine wonderful in spite of the slipup at the end. It's not clear yet whether Katherine injured her back.

Quickstep: 29/30

Salsa: 27/30

Score: 56/60

Donald Driver

Donald's lyrical waltz showed us his softer side. He and Peta maintained body contact throughout the routine and his lines were gorgeous. He was so solemn and "in character" during the dance that it was a kick to see him grin at the end. Carrie Ann loved the emotional content of the routine but found Donald's footwork a bit lacking. Len called the routine "absolutely charming" and Bruno commented on how well Donald extended his lines.

Donald's tongue-in-cheek samba was more of his usual shtick – great dancing and plenty of sass thrown in. His hip work was excellent and he did a great job staying in sync with Peta. The best part was how he made it look effortless. Honestly, Donald looked like one of the pros out there. Len praised his lines, and Bruno said the routine worked beautifully. Carrie Ann gave out her second A+ of the week, because apparently paddles aren't expressive enough.

Waltz: 28/30

Samba: 29/30

Score: 57/60

Maria Menounos

Maria's smoldering Argentine tango showed off her incredible precision and control. The choreography never let up and Maria matched Derek step for step. There were some jaw-dropping lifts, but what really sold the routine was Maria's intensity. Bruno called the routine "tailored, enticing and exhilarating" and Carrie Ann commented on how much Maria has improved throughout the course of the competition.

Maria's saucy jive never let up for a second! She and Derek really sold it. This routine was fun, flirty and best of all, not something we've seen a bunch of times. Maria's rhythm was excellent and her body contact with Derek during some of the tight turns in the choreography was stunning. She did stumble slightly during the routine, but no one's perfect. All three judges loved the routine. Bruno praised its quirkiness – he said it shouldn't have worked, but it did.

Argentine tango: 30/30

Jive: 29/30

Score: 59/60

Who won over the judges: Maria
Who won over the crowd: William

Who needs to step it up: Katherine

"Dancing With the Stars" airs Mondays at 8 p.m. ET/PT and Tuesdays at 9 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.

"The X Factor" has reportedly hired its fourth and final judge. According to E! Online, Demi Lovato, 19, will join fellow former Disney pop princess, Britney Spears, at the judging table -- along with Simon Cowell and L.A. Reid -- when the show's second American season debuts this fall.

Bing: More about 'The X Factor'

TMZ is reporting that Lovato and Spears are in New York Monday, May 14, to make the formal announcement for FOX's upfront meetings with advertisers. (Its report includes a video of Spears apparently nodding when asked if she's excited to work with Lovato.)

Also: What TV shows are returning next season?

The two singers replace Nicole Scherzinger and Paula Abdul, who were jettisoned earlier this year. Reports had Janet Jackson, LeAnn Rimes, Miley Cyrus, Fergie and Avril Lavigne also in the running for the vacancies.

Season 2 of "The X Factor" will premiere this fall on FOX.