FEATURED POST
The fur flies in the cattiest, nastiest reunion show … ever
By Diane Vadino
Special to MSN TV
It's the show we've all been waiting for! Honestly, if this season had been half as entertaining as this episode, it would have been twice as entertaining as it actually was. I just did that math, and what we've determined is that "The Bachelor" was 25% as good as "Women Tell All." Correct me if I'm wrong. In any case, I'm guessing it was that much better because Ben wasn't here for most of it. As soon as he and his floppy hair and his "our conversations were really deep" showed up, the show ground to a sticky, irritating halt. Luckily, we had about 90 minutes of show before that point.
Bing: More about 'The Bachelor' | Photos: See the contestants
We begin -- apropos of entirely nothing -- with a quick round-up of where our favorite (and less favorite -- I'm thinking of you, Kasey) past franchise contestants have been. Apparently, they've all been to Vegas, and in each other's pants. If the "Bachelor" really was a family -- let's just say that the kids, in fact, would not be alright. The only interesting bit here is a bizarre meeting between Frank and Ali. Remember Frank? He was the douche who decided halfway through his season with Ali that he was going to get back together with his ex-girlfriend. He's still with that girlfriend -- and she must have been thrilled when he dashed off to this "Bachelor" convention (and back into the now-single Ali's arms). Everyone makes cooing noises about their chemistry, and someone alludes to a seemingly bright future between them. Frank should really, really stop this.
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At last, we begin the proper "Women Tell All" debate. "Where to start?" Chris Harrison asks. Where, indeed? We have a brief montage of the season's most ridiculous moments -- Courtney and Blakeley figure prominently, as well as Jamie's horribly misguided seduction attempt atop Ben's lap. It's a real feat, to earn the title of "this season's most awkward moment" -- but as she tries to figure out how to French kiss Ben, Jamie's in it to win it. Speaking of winning, we see quite a bit of Courtney and her favorite catchphrase. P.S.: breaking precedent, in which the final two ladies are sequestered in their fairy-tale towers, Courtney's here tonight. Lindzi's not, because she didn't spend the past couple months bad-mouthing these very, very irate women and because no one would tune in just to watch her grovel.
Our first subject for discussion is Blakeley. "You putting your ... 'blessings' out," Chris says. "Do you think that might have stepped on some toes?" Blakeley agrees that her massive boobs might have been better sheathed, but she seems to feel strongly that she is more sinned against than sinning, and she's clearly waiting for Courtney to emerge from her backstage hideaway. We also visit with Brittney, whom you might remember showed up with her grandma only to leave the show a couple episodes later. "There was no attraction to Ben whatsoever," she says. "My time is precious, and I had better things to spend my time on." Samantha disputes this, but Brittney's having none of it: "[Samantha is] like the chihuahua in the house! Just stop talking! Shut up!"
Those two subjects thus dealt with, we move on to Shawntel. You remember Shawntel: She met Ben, thought he liked her, showed up at the house, and was pilloried for having the temerity to show her ugly face and fat thighs. This was the women's worst episode, and the abuse they handed Shawntel certainly rivaled the best of what Courtney had to offer the rest of the season. "You just don't learn," Chris says as Shawntel takes her seat. Shawntel tears up as she watches the footage of her episode: "That was only the second time I watched it," she says. "I muted it a lot when I watched it the first time. The stuff about my body image, and about being uglier in person -- it was really hard." A number of insincere-sounding apologies are offered, Erika (of the "Who is she?" plaint) among them, but it's Emily to the rescue: "If you were not stunning, the women would have been like, Here's your rose!" It's the only time Shawntel smiles in her segment. Speaking of, Emily's up next -- or, as Chris introduces her, "the hottest rapping epidemiologist in all the land." Chris asks where it all went wrong, and Emily sensibly says that once she went after Courtney, things between her and Ben were permanently spoiled. It's not something she's sweating at this point: "I wouldn't have wanted to fall for someone who fell for what Courtney was putting forward," she says. She didn't like the skinny-dipping much, either, saying that Ben wasn't showing the other women the respect they deserved: "You're just thinking about sex -- you're not thinking about a relationship." As for her take on Ben now? "He made his bed," she says, to applause. "And now he can lie in it." Nicki comes up on stage -- you can see how much she still likes Ben and thinks she should be in the competition: "I went into that rose ceremony thinking if he really wants a shot at true, open, honest love, it's me," she says. That might have been true, but it seems unlikely that that was, in fact, what Ben was looking for.
The main attraction is next, and it's Courtney. What to say about Courtney? She arrives to extremely muted applause -- none of the women shown are clapping. She apologizes. Blakeley is perhaps the most aggressive: "What did I ever do to you to say 'That's the kind of girl your boyfriend cheats on you with?'" Courtney doesn't have much to offer but tearful apologies. Jennifer has a different problem: "Six days in, and you didn't even know my name," she says. Unfortunately, most of America still can't remember Jennifer's name, so Courtney might have actually won some points there. "I was just trying to keep my head above water," she says. "I'm not a mean spirited person -- it brought out the worst in me." That much, anyway, is probably true. "I don't know, I'm sorry," she mutters. For all the build-up, this segment isn't particularly enjoyable to watch -- Courtney's been too unpleasant to root for at all, but neither is it entertaining watching the other women vent their outrage.
Finally, we have Ben. "You are the best man I have ever met in my entire life," Nicki says. It is almost literally impossible that this is true -- it's a shame that she still has it so bad for this guy, no? Has she not actually seen his hair? Or listened to him speak? She wants to know what went wrong, beyond the obvious: "I loved our conversations, they were really really deep..." The whole thing is that blah and that meaningless. Is it possible that he's the worst bachelor ever? He sounds like he checked out of this whole "journey," if you will, two months ago.
The end of the show is rescued by a last-minute interlude between Jenna and Monica. You remember Jenna -- she's the crazy blogger who asked Monica if she wanted to "share a tampon." Monica has, incredibly, brought a tampon for Jenna, but not before describing her as "bat **** crazy." Monica is so incredibly nuts -- and for the record, her near-seduction of Blakeley seemed more authentic than anything Courtney pulled with Ben. Monica for "The Bachelorette"!
"The Bachelor" airs Mondays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.
A new panel of judges is only the beginning in revitalizing a stale, complacent show
Despite the premise of the headline, these ideas aren't going to fix "American Idol." Everyone perceives it as past its peak, and you can't erase those kind of perceptions. But it's still a highly valuable television property, with a 10-million-plus viewership, and it's worth salvaging. So, offered in the spirit of altruistic generosity, here are five suggestions that might help arrest the decline -- or at least buy "Idol" some time.
Bing: More about 'American Idol' | Video: Watch clips | Photos: See highlights
Some of these ideas have been out there, of course, but the encouraging thing is that a few have been discussed in quotes attributed to the show's producers or FOX executives. Especially this first one:
1. Shake up the judges
It's already happening. Randy Jackson has announced his departure. Nicki Minaj quickly followed suit. Keith Urban has a career to return to, and another season of Mariah Carey's verbal fumblings and bloated salary would seem out of the question. It would be worth trying to keep Nicki -- the sharpest judge "Idol" has ever had when she was "on" (which was not constant). But she did polarize viewers and, from her own standpoint, has accomplished the mass-market penetration goals her judging tenure granted her. She probably feels she needs to get back to her own proper career. Retaining Keith would be fine, but it's not a must.
Also: Catch a recap of the Season 12 finale
There seems to be a corporate desire to cut the panel back to three judges, find some articulate industry insiders and avoid superstars and their super salaries. If so, why not make the obvious move and let Jimmy Iovine transition from de facto judge to the actual panel? His taste is variable, but he's not afraid to criticize and doesn't shirk controversy. The other prospective judge waiting in the wings is Harry Connick Jr., the show's most candid mentor and someone who would bring a most desirable functioning sense of humor to the proceedings. You'd need a female presence, and it would be smart to sidestep the smothering/mothering types (Paula Abdul, Jennifer Lopez, Mariah). Blake Shelton is the coach who makes "The Voice" tick. Why not give his wife, the undeniably spunky Miranda Lambert (a former TV music-contest graduate to boot), a shot?
Some "Idol" observers have raised the possibility of choosing a former contestant as a judge. Kelly Clarkson, who was as personable as usual in her stint on the short-lived "Duets," would be the most logical, but her omnipresence on other shows (besides "Duets," she was also a mentor on "The Voice" and sang on the "X Factor" UK) may rule her out. The name of Melinda Doolittle has been mentioned, and it's pretty likely that Taylor Hicks would be available. And Clay Aiken was a pretty mean judge on an "Idol" parody during the penultimate episode of "The Office."
One other point: If "X Factor" is canceled after this fall, make a run at Simon Cowell. It might backfire in the long run, but he's the guy who made "Idol" the sensation it became.
2. Open up the song list
That means, first and foremost, ditch the themes. One of the recurring complaints about "Idol" is that the songs are too old and there's a disconnect with many of the singers. The restrictions of certain themes ensure that old songs will be picked, usually the most familiar and well-worn ones. Getting rid of themes (which reportedly is being considered) won't eliminate the oldies, but it's natural that young performers will gravitate to songs from their eras, and the average song age is sure to go down. Wide-open choice has been a secret weapon for "The Voice" in its rise to ratings superiority over "Idol." When you can get a range of music encompassing -- as "The Voice" did in its top 12 show -- the Backstreet Boys' "I Want It That Way," George Jones' "Who's Gonna Fill Their Shoes" and Robyn's "Call Your Girlfriend," it's easy to understand why. If the "Oh, wow" factor is theoretically infinite, a lot of excitement will return to "Idol."
3. Rethink the auditions and Hollywood
"Idol" seasons have been getting off to bad starts for years now thanks to deeply embedded flaws in the audition and Hollywood telecasts. The sheer number of singers trying out may look impressive on screen and attest to the allure of the show, but it seems like a cattle call and a long, dreary trudge to reduce the cast to a number you can actually become familiar with. "Idol" is the last show to require unaccompanied auditions. And while that may be the purest way to evaluate vocal quality, it becomes an ordeal for the viewer to hear four weeks of a cappella tryouts. The contrived audition atrocities break up the monotony a little, but they've become predictable and tedious in their own right.
And finally, because the show is taped in advance all the way up to the semifinals, the producers can play favorites with the standout singers or the heartstring-tuggers, and give them disproportionate airtime. "The Voice" has its share of emotion-provoking back stories, but at least every auditioner shown (except the unfortunates compressed into a montage) gets more or less equal time.
4. Stop manipulating us
Which leads to a larger point: A substantial boost in objectivity on the part of the producers would be a big help. Reduce the favoritism shown to the front-runners. Stop trying to engineer a winner. Too long a winning streak for white guys with guitars is no excuse to make sure they're all gone before the public gets a chance to vote, as happened this season. It's also not good for the long-term health of the show to choose such a hapless group of guys that an all-female finale is practically a done deal.
5. Dump the filler -- or at least improve it
Most "Idol" viewers have watched enough television to realize that certain competition shows and all results episodes require padding to fill out their allotted 60, 90 or 120 minutes. Most "Idol" viewers have also watched enough of this show to realize that group performances and duets are a complete waste of time, seldom if ever doing either the songs or the singers any justice whatsoever. On competition nights, if filler is needed, use mentoring sessions or the generally entertaining interludes in which contestants pile on each other to reveal embarrassing or amusing personality traits. On results shows, add guest stars. And make sure they're the brightest hitmakers of the day or the most legendary performers of the past. This season's nostalgia wallow of endless former-contestant returns was too insular, too self-congratulatory and several miles away from true "event television." Give us more reasons to tune in.
None of these ideas, as stated above, will bring "Idol" back to the days of 25-million-plus audiences. But they can help revitalize a stale show that too often complacently coasts on past glories.
'All-Star' finalists open to collaboration for a future season
WENN
"Celebrity Apprentice" finalists Penn Jillette and Trace Adkins are eyeing a collaboration for a future season. The Las Vegas illusionist and the country superstar will meet in the boardroom for this Sunday's "All-Star Celebrity Apprentice" finale, but it may not be their last appearance on the show, the duo tells Zap2it.com. If they have it their way, they will be working together under "Apprentice" boss Donald Trump next time. Jillette says, "I would do it in a second, except for the time -- and if they promised me Trace would be on my team."
Bing: More about 'All-Star Celebrity Apprentice'
Both men had to adjust from their normal lives to survive the competition. Adkins struggled to spend so much time surrounded by people explaining, "They work you for 16 hours a day, and you have to be around people 16 hours a day. That is not how I live my life. I have sanctuaries in my life, and I decompress. And when I don't have the opportunity to do that, I become a little stir crazy and perhaps a little dangerous." Likewise, Jillette found the mental struggle that goes hand in hand with Trump's tasks to be the most difficult part: "There are occasional moments when you are working on something, and you know one on the team is wrong. And everyone knows, and you can't say anything because it will come back and bite you on the ass in the boardroom." The winner of "Celebrity Apprentice" will be revealed this Sunday.
Plus: 'Felicity': Where are they now? | 'The Bachelorette' Season 9 | What we learned from 'The Office'
Vivid lists 'used' item, complete with fake tan stains, on eBay
WENN
The bikini "Teen Mom" star Farrah Abraham wore for the photo on her sex tape cover is up for auction. The porn studio behind the release of the tape, Vivid Entertainment, listed the sequin-lined swimsuit on eBay at a starting bid of $500 on Wednesday. At press time, the two-piece's asking price has climbed north of $13,000. The listing advertises the Poolside Collection bikini as "used," complete with fake tan stains and glitter from Abraham's body lotion.
Bing: More about Farrah Abraham
The item was not washed since the "Teen Mom" star wore it for a private photo shoot. The listing reads, "Farrah's bikini ... straight off Farrah's body and into your hands." The online auction runs until next Wednesday at midnight.]]>
Plus: 'Felicity': Where are they now? | 'The Bachelorette' Season 9 | What we learned from 'The Office'
Rookie judge has enjoyed experience even despite firing rumors
WENN
"American Idol" judge Keith Urban is eager to return for a second season on the panel, despite rumors show producers are planning a major cast shake-up. Last week, veteran judge Randy Jackson announced he would be leaving the singing competition after 12 seasons with the show, and there is growing speculation that he may not be the only star leaving the four-person panel. His co-judges this year -- Urban, Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj -- are all reportedly on the chopping block, as producers struggle to find ways to increase the show's declining ratings. But despite the firing rumors, Urban attests that his freshman year on "Idol" has been a great experience. And if he was asked back, he would have no doubts of returning.
He tells "Access Hollywood," "I would return in a heartbeat. I love all of it, and I've loved this journey. I really have. I've loved watching the journey of all of these artists from these little audition moments we find them in and then seeing them come all this way. It's really extraordinary watching them evolve." While Urban insists he does not have insider info on casting, at least one person who is confirmed to return is host Ryan Seacrest, who has been the emcee of the series since its inception in 2002.
Plus: 'Felicity': Where are they now? | 'The Bachelorette' Season 9 | What we learned from 'The Office'
'American Idol' fixture confirms return but would step aside for singer
WENN
Ryan Seacrest has confirmed he will be returning to host "American Idol," but he'll step aside if Justin Bieber wants the gig. Longtime host Seacrest has endorsed the pop sensation to fill his shoes as host of the hit singing competition, should show producers decide not to ask him back. Seacrest tells "Entertainment Tonight," "I think Bieber would make a great host. I think he would be good at the phone numbers, and he would fit in my suits."
Bing: More about Ryan Seacrest
But the current host fully intends to remain with the show: "I don't want to say yes, and then get a call tomorrow. As far as I know, yes, I'm coming. I'm showing up. Hopefully, they'll let me in." Meanwhile, all the rumors about "American Idol" judges departing the show with Randy Jackson make for just another day at the office for Seacrest, who adds,, "Aside from Randy saying he's leaving, this season at the end is really no different than seasons past - with rumors that circulate about the panel." When "Idol" starts up again later this year, Seacrest will be the only star from the show's first season, which he co-hosted with TV personality Brian Dunkleman.
Plus: 'Felicity': Where are they now? | 'The Bachelorette' Season 9 | What we learned from 'The Office'
Former contestant eager to show off his slimmer body
WENN
Chaz Bono wants another chance on "Dancing With the Stars" to show off his slimmer body after shedding a staggering 65 pounds in just six months. The activist sported a trimmer physique at Tuesday's "Dancing With the Stars" 300th episode celebration in Hollywood, where he announced his desire to compete on the hit dancing show again. He believes his shrinking waistline will boost his chances of hoisting the Mirrorball Trophy.
He tells People, "I'd love to do 'Dancing' all over again. I'd do it much better now than I did it then. Physically, my body feels just so much better." The 44-year-old embarked on his weight-loss mission in November. As a result, his confidence has grown: "I really like what I see in the mirror (now)." Bono admitted his weight-loss journey is "slowing down now and getting harder," but adds, "It was never really about a number. It was just about getting healthy and feeling and looking better. So I'm just kind of letting my body dictate. I've been eating the same way now for months and months, and that hasn't changed. I'm going to have to eat this way for the rest of my life."
Plus: 'The Bachelorette' Season 9 | What we learned from 'The Office' | 10 reasons to love 'The Mindy Project'
Judge credits show with getting through 'mental things and some fears'
WENN
Demi Lovato's first season as an "X Factor" judge helped her recover from a stint in rehab. The singer used her panel position on the series to help her get over her health battles but admits that she doubted her mental readiness for the show as she accepted the position just three months after a rehab stint in 2011.
She tells MTV, "I think someone that's recovering from an eating disorder can only be in front of the camera so much before it starts to play mind games." The whole experience influenced Lovato to "get through some mental things and some fears" because the aspiring contestants of the Simon Cowell-led show looked up to her. She adds, "It also held me accountable to still be that light in other people's eyes and an inspiration to people."
Plus: 'The Bachelorette' Season 9 | What we learned from 'The Office' | 10 reasons to love 'The Mindy Project'
'Dancing With the Star's finalist to share lifestyle and fashion tips with fans
WENN
"Dancing With the Stars" finalist Zendaya is planning to share her top lifestyle and fashion tips with young fans in her new book. The Disney Channel star is only 16-years old. But after years as a working actress in the entertainment industry, she's ready to share what she's learned over the years with her adoring devotees.
Zendaya is keeping her business in the family, by inking her first-ever book deal with Disney Publishing Worldwide. Titled "Between U and Me: How to Rock Your Tween Years With Style and Confidence," the guide will feature her personal photos, recipes, music playlists and more. While her first book doesn't hit shelves until August 6, her fans can continue to vote for her on "Dancing With the Stars," as she heads into the season finale next Monday.
Plus: 'The Bachelorette' Season 9 | What we learned from 'The Office' | 10 reasons to love 'The Mindy Project'
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Deanna Barnert | Los Angeles, Calif.
Entertainment journalist Deanna "TVDeeva" Barnert visits sets, interviews industry players and critiques the final product. Buzz's daytime TV queen covers it all for MSN TV, but loves her sitcoms, soaps and any juicy drama that doesn't call itself Reality TV.
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