By Diane Vadino

Special to MSN TV

Welcome to what is quite possibly -- and entirely not ironically -- the best episode of "The Bachelorette" of all time. It has everything: actual romance (between puppets), gorgeous locations (in Prague), an all-time most-awkward kiss (oh, Doug), fireworks on demand, and a weeping man (hello, Chris). So here we go: one group date, and three one-on-ones. And next week, hometowns. What more could we ask for?

Bing: More about Emily Maynard | 'The Bachelorette'

Arie's up first, and we have the minimal drama of Arie having dated Cassie, a "Bachelorette" producer with whom Emily is friends. Chris even breaks in, presidential-news briefing style, to bring us up to date (so this is what "full disclosure" looks like): Cassie and Arie dated five million years ago, approximately twice, but no one mentioned any of this to Emily, who is put out by the entire thing. Emily and Cassie have a little discussion about Arie's supposed indiscretion. Then Emily and Arie talk. Sample:

Arie: "What is another important thing to you?"
Emily: "Not having any secrets ... that's huge."

And so on. Then Emily, Arie, and Cassie talk, but off camera. Who made that decision? At the same time, though, who in the world cares? Arie is like, Are you crazy, that was ten million years ago, can we please talk about something else. Like how he's realized he's in love with Emily. "If things keep going this way," Emily says, "nothing would make me happier." Cue fireworks!

Photos: 'Bachelorette' stars: Where are they now? | This season's contestants

Next up is John, in this week's placeholder date. This date basically consists of John saying things like "This is going awesome" and Emily just sort of nodding with a sad smile on her face. Also, John confuses saying private things aloud with actual intimacy, so every once in a while he'll offer something up about a past relationship (his ex-girlfriends must love being picked apart on TV). "I'm not a starter—I'm a closer," John says confidently, while Emily keeps nodding. "I'm falling for Emily. It's happening," John says. It's like watching someone narrate a landslide. "That ledge of mud and dirt is falling. It's happening." There's no roses on the one-on-ones this week, but if there were, it's exceptionally hard to imagine John getting one. Even if he thinks he aced it.

John comes home soon enough and provides the guys with an inaccurately rosy picture of their date. This, however false, has the pleasing result of making both Chris and Sean insane. Pretty much everything you need to know about them is seen in how they handle this news. Sean more or less immediately runs out into the street and shouts Emily's name ub the street, until he tracks her down and takes her out for a drink. Emily is tickled pink. By contrast -- and take note, guys -- Chris begins his slow spiral into rose-ceremony weeping. "I love that Sean had the confidence to just come out and find me," Emily says. "This is the best surprise -- my face hurts I'm smiling so much." Emily apologizes for the group date. "You don't have to say sorry," Sean says. Hopefully Chris is at home watching this, seeing how it's done.

Next up is the group date, and it is awesome. Let's begin with Doug. Poor Doug. I really like Doug, and I don't think Emily got to see the same, awesome Doug we saw at home -- he always seemed basically terrified of her. "Today's going to be an awesome day," he says, incorrectly. "Doug is so sweet, and so sweet for me, but I don't know if we have that chemistry that I want," Emily says, revealing that he was nearly eliminated last week. After a conversation that visually resembles two guidance counselors talking about a bad student in the cafeteria, Emily takes Doug out for a serious conversation. She's clearly about to give him the boot, but he's equally clearly not getting it.  "I have the hardest time getting a read on her," Doug says. "I'd love to give her a kiss." Emily is on the opposite wavelength. "I completely understand slow moving but then there's no moving at all," she's says. Doug is incorrectly interpreting this as...oh, it's just so terrible, because then, at the worst possible moment, he moves in to kiss her. "Thank you for that," she says. But she's sending him home. "I feel really stupid for just giving you a kiss," he says. What sucks is that he interprets this as having taken a risk and failing, rather than the truth, which is that he waited seven episodes too long to take a risk. Nothing else that happens on the group date is nearly as entertaining, except Chris laying into Emily for not giving him a one-on-one date. It's icky. Unsurprisingly, Sean gets the rose.

Finally, we have Jef's one-on-one is beyond adorable. If I were placing bets (totally unspoiled), I'd put them on Arie, but she does actually seem to have an even better time when she's with Jef, right? There seems to be more genuine laughter between these two than any other couple I remember being on this show, ever. Next, Jef tells Emily he loves her through puppets. It's so adorable. Like, if you saw it in a romantic comedy, no one would believe it, because it's so ridiculous and adorable. "It somehow makes it easier to express some big feelings," Jef says. Isn't this sort of the plot of that Mel Gibson movie where he has to took through the stuffed beaver? Also, they both want kids "yesterday." Also, Jef says, "I want to date you so hard and marry the **** out of you."

At long last comes the rose ceremony, which is unremarkable save for Chris's disintegration into unmanly tears. It's obviously going to come down to John and Chris, who had a master plan for apologizing for his group date behavior at the cocktail party. Except: we're totally skipping the cocktail party! Jef and Arie get their roses, and Chris, obviously, freaks out the moment the final rose is announced. At the moment of truth, he asks Emily to speak with him privately. He's basically crying at this point. "I really took this week for granted," Chris tells her uninterested ears. "I'm falling in love with you. If I wasn't able to say that, it would kill me. I do not want this to end between me and you."

It doesn't: Chris wheedles his way into the final rose. John is like, So that's what crying gets you? Next week: hometowns!

"The Bachelor" airs Mondays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.

San Francisco "sexpert," radio host and author Emily Morse is a real-life Carrie Bradshaw. But she has never seen "Sex and the City." Gasp!

Morse, who co-stars on Bravo's new reality offering "Miss Advised," (that's her pictured in the center) also sheepishly admits she had never watched Bravo because she hadn't owned a TV in 20 years. Double gasp!

Bing: More on 'Miss Advised' | Emily Morse

Morse bought a TV after filming wrapped, she said during an interview last week, so she can "catch up on all the stuff" she'd been missing. 

"Now I've been overdosing on TV," says Morse, 42, who along with New York matchmaker Amy Laurent and Los Angeles-based relationship columnist Julia Allison, is featured on "Miss Advised" as an expert trying to help others while juggling her career and love life.

"Before this, I had never seen a Bravo show, I didn't know who Bethenney (Frankel) was and I had never seen a Real Housewife of anywhere," she said. "But that's changed. I even own a DVR now." 

Plus: Meet the ladies of 'Miss Advised' | Reality TV's most ferocious females

Morse isn't the only reality newbie who has been living TV free. Last week when I interviewed Justin Silver, the trainer and star behind CBS' "Dogs in the City," he said he has been too busy to watch the boob tube and wasn't familiar with that other pooch training show, "Dog Whisperer with Cesar Millan."

Bing: More on 'Dogs in the City'  |  Justin Silver

"To be honest with you, my cable could've been shut off for all I care because I've been so busy," Silver said. "I've actually started watching TV now that my show is on. But I don't really have a lot of time to watch anything. If anything, I watch documentaries at night to fall asleep to."

Ahh! The life of a reality TV star.

"Miss Advised" airs Mondays at 10 p.m. ET/PT on Bravo. "Dogs in the City" airs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on CBS. 

Pink-slipped Jill Zarin could be telling tall tales about being asked back to "The Real Housewives of New York City."

According to tabloid truth tracker GossipCop.com, a report in the current OK! Magazine announcing her possible return is false and may actually have been planted by Zarin.

Bing: More about 'The Real Housewives of New York City'

The OK! report, available on newsstands only, quotes one "show insider" saying that Bravo "really wants to add Jill back" due to low ratings, and another saying that "it would take a lot of groveling and a hell of a lot of money" for that to happen.

However, a legitimate Bravo insider says there is "no truth" to the report, nor the claim Zarin made in January to RadarOnline that another "show insider" asked her back and she declined.

Also: Reality TV's most ferocious females | TV's boys of summer | Summer reality TV fare

Zarin -- who was replaced last fall, along with fellow cast members Alex McCord, Kelly Bensimon and Cindy Barshop  -- seems to have had a hard time adjusting to the boot imprint on her butt. On June 12, she posted an entry on her personal blog suggesting that her fans might want to try the same type of letter-writing campaign that once brought actor Patrick Duffy's Bobby Ewing character back from the dead on "Dallas."

"I am certainly not advocating anything," Zarin wrote, "just thinking of all the scenarios out loud."

"The Real Housewives of New York City" airs Mondays at 9 p.m. ET/PT on Bravo.

Justin Silver isn't matinee handsome, but there is something about him that appeals to women and pooches alike.

Silver, who works as a doggy guru and trainer in New York, is the star of the CBS summer series "Dogs in the City." It's a reality offering that follows Silver as he teaches pet owners how to be better to their Labradoodles and Poodles alike.

Bing: More on 'Dogs in the City' | More on Justin Silver

"I'm doing what I love to do," Silver told reporters earlier this week at a CBS press event promoting the show. The network encouraged journalists to bring their dogs so Silver could meet them and give tips.

"I'm not shy at all," said Silver, who has the hair of Keanu Reeves and the chin of Christian Slater. "Cameras don't bug me in any shape or form. Even if people are not in full agreement with my techniques and the way that I do stuff, it just sheds light on the importance of training dogs and all the things that are involved with having a pet."

But as Silver talked, it was clear that a lot of women reporters were charmed by him. Maybe it was the nurturing way in which he interacted with the dogs or his unshakable eye contact but whatever it was, no one could deny this guy's magnetism.

Also: Reality TV's most ferocious females | TV's boys of summer | Summer reality TV fare

Weeks before the doggy junket, an Entertainment Weekly reporter blogged and praised Silver, who has more than a decade's worth of experience, for his "cute Brooklyn accent."

Hmm. If CBS is smart and wants to bump up its ratings, perhaps execs should market Silver to women over 35. Oh wait, they already have. He was on "The Talk" earlier this week too.

"Dogs in the City" airs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on CBS.