'American Idol' Recap: Gone Country

By Carla Patton

BuddyTV

Thanks for welcoming us to Nashville, the land of "hopes and dreams," Ryan Seacrest! I'd like to visit some day; will you be there? I'll text you. I will also text Carrie Underwood, so it won't be weird.

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The Nashville auditions are  held in the Ryman Auditorium, which makes this a little bit more like "So You Think You Can Dance." Christine McCaffrey, introduced with "boomp be doomp be" music, walks in singing like a total crazy person. Then she finished us all off with a version of "I Hope You Dance" that makes us never want to dance again. At least she thinks Steven Tyler said yes to her. Let the auditions begin!

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They're Going to Hollywood!

Rob Bolin and Chelsee Oaks: Ex-lovers, still roommates. Not friends. Why are they auditioning together? Oh, because they "love each other very much." Two for one! Seat them next to each other on the plane to Hollywood, please. We'll MAKE THEM fall back in love.

Everyone is convinced they will get back together, except them ... and this guy:

This leads into Ryan's predictable message that things will be great in Nashville for a while, and then they will get awful. Good, then bad? Hey, that's not what we have come to expect from these auditions!

Adrienne Beasley: I don't know what to say about her backstory (she was adopted by two white people) except that there was a lot of her riding around next to bales of hay. Her voice had a nice country sound to it, but I could see her transitioning nicely to other genres as well.

Can we talk about judge fashion for a second? On Day 1, Jennifer Lopez was serving up all this executive realness and then she comes back on Day 2 wearing this sparkly, hip-hop, earth-mother crop top. At least Steven Tyler sticks to his Diane Keaton look (as his assistant holds an umbrella over him for no discernible reason.)

Jackie Wilson: She came in and threw down! Maybe Randy was right, this is the season of the unassuming. Speaking of which, message to Ryan: Never assume. That old dude is Jackie's boyfriend!

Paul McDonald, Jimmie Wilson, and Danny Pate: All these boys were amazing and are going to Hollywood. Thanks to them, apparently, Tennessee was "back on track."

Lauren Alaina: I kind of wish we hadn't heard about her cousin's brain tumor because I think the sob stories are starting to turn people off, and this girl is really talented. She's definitely a favorite moving forward -- she's as cute as a button and her performance was pretty much flawless ("the best we've seen today.") Chills. I think when Steven Tyler said "we found the one today," he was talking about Lauren. Eat it, Kelly Clarkson!

They're Going to Hollywood?

Stormi "Miss Teen USA" Henley: Am I going to complain about looking at her? No. Do I think she'll make it to the Top 20? No. Much to Jennifer Lopez's chagrin, Randy sent her through (because we are all just dying to see what she'll wear.) Love those boots, girrrrl!

Matt Dillard: Okay, with the foster/special needs children backstory, of course he's going through. But give me a break with those overalls and that hat. No one else in the foster home was dressed like that! J. Lo said no, but Steven and Randy said yes, so Matt rode away on a mule with a piece of straw in his mouth and a golden ticket.

Definitely Not Going to Hollywood

Allen Lewis: He has a great laugh and a great attitude and I would like to hang out with him, but "American Idol" is not for him. Randy, who is apparently a 6th-year at Hogwarts these days, says they took a tiger and turned it into a baby. That's some pretty advanced transfiguration.

Kameela Merricks: She kind of just yelled at them, didn't she?

That crying cowboy: Ohhhh nooooooo!

Latoya "Prom Dress/Recording Artist" "Younique" Moore: Yes, yes, yes. More of her, please! And by more, I mean less. I loved everything that was happening in this audition, though. Randy told her it was not good, "almost annoying." But she left (or rather, lingered in the doorway) with her head held high, singing vengefully all the way.

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"American Idol" airs Wednesdays and Thursdays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on FOX.