'The Bachelor': And then there were 9

Tierra amps up the crazy while the other women try to keep up

By Diane Vadino Feb 5, 2013 3:26AM

Tonight! We're in Montana, and we have three dates: a one-on-one, a group date, and the "dreaded" two-on-one, which is sometimes the most amazing episode of the season but sometimes the most boring -- because one girl is a lock and the other is cannon fodder.

We begin, though, with the one-on-one, which goes to Lindsay. Lindsay, Sean keeps reminding us, almost went home following her debut at the mansion wearing a wedding dress -- and it's that decision that seems to motivate so much of their conversation tonight. First, they go on a helicopter tour of Glacier National Park ("Can I just say this is the most bad-ass helicopter ever?" Sean says), and then they make out. There is plenty of smooching on this particular date, and Sean seems keen to figure out if their relationship is just that or something deeper. To achieve the latter, Sean quizzes Lindsay on her upbringing, and quickly discovers that Lindsay was an Army brat whose dad was deployed overseas throughout much of her childhood. "She didn't like being an Army brat and now she's seeking security and a family," he says. Oh, if only people were so easy to figure out. After their drinks, they go to downtown Whitefish, Montana, for a concert with Sarah Darling and some of that weird dancing on an elevated platform. "We've come a long way since the first night, when I thought you were just a crazy girl in a wedding dress," Sean says. Lindsay gets the first rose.

Next is the group date. For it, the women are divided into two teams—blue and red—and sent on a "lumberjack challenge" involving a canoe race, log saw, goat milking, and hay carrying. None of the women seem particularly enthused about this (though Lesley sidles up to one of the goats and quizzes it, "I'm gonna drink your milk in a bit -- how do you feel about that?") After steering the canoe into an island, dropping a lot of hay, and chugging down the goat's milk ("It was warm, and it came out of my nose," Desiree says), red team wins, and the blue team goes home.

If only winning were as straightforward as that. The red team -- Sarah, Robyn, Selma and Desiree -- is delighted with their extra time with Sean. They are much, much less excited when he announces that he's bringing the blue team (Lesley, Daniella, AshLee, and Catherine) back for the second half of the night. "Sean is hoping to find his wife here—and he felt like maybe his wife is on the blue team," Chris Harrison aptly explains it. Sean echoes this: "A lumberjack challenge cannot determine who I spend time with." While Sean's breaking the rules, so is someone else: Tierra, who's desperate to do what she can to get a "head start" on her upcoming two-on-one, with Jackie. As a producer asks Sean if he "anticipates any other surprises," Tierra sneaks up to him and covers his eyes with her hands. They go outside to chat -- you know the red team is seething that Sean's not there -- and Tierra, once again, explains that she is a "real person" with real needs, yadd yadda yadda. "I worry about Tierra because I know she's having a hard time with how things work," says Sean.

When we return, not everyone's feeling good about Sean's all-inclusive challenge atmosphere. (Desiree: "I worked my ass off.") Blue team AshLee tries a Zen approach: "At the end of the day, Sean requested us back," she says. "Obviously there's one of the four of us that he wanted to spend time with, and I think that's me." She bookends these thoughts with her main one-on-one time with Sean this week, which she uses to her advantage as fast as the words can spill out of her mouth. "I have this soul connection with you," AshLee says. "I can't put it into words. I just adore you." Sean responds: "I'm crazy about you." AshLee, for the record, is officially in love.

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That doesn't make any difference, though, in deciding who gets the evening's rose. Later on, someone will accuse Sean of selecting people based on how bad he feels about "what [they're] going through" -- and he's about to feel really, really bad for Daniella, who bursts into tears when she catches Sean in a pretty PG-rated clinch. "They're, like, sitting on each other's laps," Daniella moans. By the time Sean comes by to collect her, she's in full-on meltdown mode. It's clear that Sean just wants her to be one of the women on the show who don't cry, and she knows it, but she can't help manufacturing a tiny bit of the drama tonight. But she thinks she can explain it away: "It's just hard to see them connect with you," she says.

Sean, though, has a way to make everything better: "I love getting to know you, and everybody loves you. I don't want you to think I've forgotten about you," he says. She kisses him, out of what looks like desperation as much as desire. "That was nice. I'm glad. Finally." Sean is, like, super-psyched the blue team came back. Daniella, unsurprisingly, gets the rose -- lending further credence to the idea that Sean is handing out pity roses to the girls with the most dramatic backstories, while ignoring even the women he might connect with better (see: Desiree).

It'd be amazing to know if the giant whopper Tierra pulled out is really true or if she's actually a bizarre, congenital liar. We're wondering about her because she's up on the next date -- and it's the dreaded two-on-one. Someone's going home tonight, and it's going to be either Tierra or Jackie. Tierra already has her sights set: "Jackie does not know she is on a date with me and my husband," Tierra says, annoyingly.

Since we've almost literally never seen this girl before, it's a safe bet that Jackie is two-on-one cannon fodder -- though she does have a bit of a plan to put into motion. "Tierra's a good manipulator, but I'm going to hope that I get the rose," says Jackie. To that end, Jackie spills the beans on Tierra and her unsocial ways -- but it's clearly too little, too late. He's going to do what he's going to do, and Jackie is left sputtering with weird, half-baked ideas on a picnic blanket. Jackie's not entirely giving up, though: "I would hate for you to fall in love with someone who's not their true self," says Jackie obliquely, while cluing Sean in to some of Tierra's flirtatious behavior. "Maybe she's just a flirty person," says Jackie, soft-pedaling, or not.

Tierra, though, has a fail-safe plan to keep the attention on her: She actually tells Sean that she had an ex-boyfriend who died while in rehab: "I was with a guy for five years, and he was in and out of rehabs. Being the type of person I am, I stuck by his side, no matter what. He passed away in 2009, and so it was the hardest time in my life, and the hardest part of losing him was I lost my best friend." (And the Oscar goes to ...) At last, Sean thinks: "Here's something I can blame Tierra's crazy behavior on," and you know he's totally relieved.

Unsurprisingly, Jackie is going home -- not without a few last words though: "If I were in your shoes, I'd want to know that." Tierra lives to fight some more, and she and Sean settle in to watch some fireworks. Far away, the women in the mansion see them and realize that Sean has made his decision—a moment not unlike those in "Hunger Games" when everyone would learn which tribute had been killed when the game announced it. "Jackie was such a great girl -- she just wasn't the girl for me," Sean says.

Amazingly, this brings us to our cocktail party, where Tierra is going to say loads of crazy stuff like "I honestly wish I was a fighter because I would beat the s--- out of these bitches." (How lucky we are that she's not a fighter.) Desiree is here on her own, and we quickly see that she is not content with being one of the benchwarmers in Sean's heart. "I feel like he gives roses to the girls who are having a hard time," says Desiree, which seems unequivocally true. Sean's not having any of it, and he wonders if he and Desiree are actually growing apart.

The rest of the ladies spend most of the night confronting an increasingly agitated Tierra. "I'm going to lay it out to you all -- I don't care what you say at the end of the day. Enough is enough -- this is childish." Then she calls Robyn insecure. "If I want to get engaged, I can go get engaged. There are plenty of guys in the world," Tierra says.

That doesn't really help solve Sean's problem, though, of who to stay and who to kick out. He is not, it seems, a happy camper in the least. Chris Harrison, in a fireside chat, asks how he's handling the news of this tumultuous week. "There's some who want to spend their time talking about other women," he says. "It really has just left me frustrated." Chris asks if he's had a good week in Montana. "Definitely not," Sean replies.

Tierra, Daniella and Lindsay already have roses, so it's up to the others to shake things down. (When you're ready, keep in mind that the Germans remade them for Zara.) Getting new roses tonight: Selma, Catherine, blond Lesley, AshLee, Desiree, and Sarah. This means that lovely Robyn, who had an actual personality, is out -- which is a shame, because she was funny and smart. "Be scared," Selma warns us all.

"The Bachelor" airs Mondays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC. We'll be back with all the drama, tears, cocktail dresses and inappropriate touching anyone could handle.

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18Comments

Newest

Feb 5, 2013 10:35PM

Men are NOT all THAT DUMB, I kinda think like some of the rest of you that it is scripted. Why hasn`t Chris or somebody told him something to at least give him an idea that the other girls have a reason for hating her. Isn`t that what men do? Thats what a woman would do ! If she`s any kind of friend. Every girl who has said anything , even the least little thing to him about her has been sent home. I`m beginning to think he wants a WACKO ! Tierra won`t even get along with his family, I guarentee it. She has to be "IT". She thinks she is better than everybody else. EVERYBODY is WRONG, and SHE is right. I see it coming, and so should he. If he ends up picking her, even in the last two, I, too will be watching something else next season. This stuffs getting OLD ! Kick her butt to the curb so she can maybe realize she`s NOT all that !!!

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