'Modern Family': Blockages

Wednesday's "Modern Family" episode, titled "Heart Broken," marked the return of debonair businessman Clive Bixby and his housewife mistress of the night, Juliana. The Valentine's Day alter-egos of Phil (Ty Burrell) and Claire (Julie Bowen) are back in the hotel lobby bar from last season. They're headed from there to a blimpnic (a picnic on a blimp). Then it's onto the local ice rink for a moonlit skate. But Claire's body has other plans. It faints.

Cut to the hospital. Claire had a heart episode. It's a hereditary arrhythmia. No big deal, her mom has the same thing. Phil blames himself for being too sexy. No, says the doctor. (According to Phil, this means she's a lesbian.)

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Back in their bedroom, Claire prepares to go ice-skating. Phil would rather they play it safe and stay in. They hear the front door open and throngs of kids enter. Haley (Sarah Hyland), Alex (Ariel Winter) and Luke (Nolan Gould) are throwing a party because they think the house is empty.

As Phil is downstairs pooping on the party, he can't help but blab about the heart episode. A few minutes later, the kids burst into their parents' room, blocking a darkened make-out session by freaking about a heart attack. The lights flick on and Claire's chest is covered in blood. The kids scream. It's only from Phil's nose.

Jay (Ed O'Neill) and Gloria (Sofia Vergara) are sex-crazed because having the baby has made them wait six weeks. It's Manny's (Rico Rodriguez) turn to burst in and block. Then the baby interrupts, followed by Lily (Aubrey Anderson-Emmons). It's like Whac-A-Mole. Next, it's the baby-proofing guy's turn. Then, it's Manny's again. He's home to get dressed for a Valentine's Day party. He dons a fedora and brings his poetry, as requested.

When Jay finally gets down to business, he can't. He's concerned that the popular kids have invited Manny to their Valentine's Day party as a prank. (They haven't.)

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Cam (Eric Stonestreet) and Mitch (Jessie Tyler Ferguson) throw a lonely heart's party for their single friends. We don't see the party, just its ugly aftermath. Mitch wakes up, still drunk, wondering what happened. He notices the pink-dyed cat that he was hoping he had just dreamed. Even worse, he left his own party. The living room is littered with Christmas decorations owned by the neighbor who never takes them down. And they meet their new roommate, Dylan (Reid Ewing), who thanks them for letting him move in.

Dylan sings them a thank-you song, cleans their house spotless and returns the reindeer to a roof he falls off of. Even though it's the wrong roof, they can't turn him away now. (It's Lily who musters the nerve. "It's weird," she says. "You're a big boy." Dylan agrees and heads to his moms.)

Mitch admits he only drank to be more fun. Cam apologizes for giving the impression that he's not. Mitch suggests something fun. Cut to their own alter-egos at the Clive and Juliana hotel lobby bar.

Now Phil is so oversexed, he can't walk. He catches Manny on the stairway and actually requests that he burst in and block, telling them all about his party.

"Modern Family" airs Wednesdays at 9 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.