By Vinnie Penn

Special to MSN TV

So now there is Dogen and Lemon, his aid.

But, the real newcomers are brokenhearted Sawyer, constantly on the verge of tears, and poor, misunderstood Ben, as opposed to the irredeemably -- irresistibly -- evil one. Where are the Sawyer and Ben we love?

Yet another parallel universe perhaps?

Video: See full episodes of 'Lost' | Also: Last Night on TV

Multiverse rhetoric and physics in general can only supply "Lost" with so many get out of jail free cards. Furthermore, as both of the universes introduced in last week's premiere continued to play out, one theory that emerged last week seemed confirmed: That Sayid ain't even Sayid.

Tortured by Dogen -- ironically getting a taste of his own real life medicine -- Sayid's been whimpering and sniveling for close to three episodes now, ever since being shot, which is an about-face from the tough-as-nails, unbreakable Sayid who's wowed us with his calm, calculated demeanor since the start of the series. Particularly pathetic is the Sayid who came back to life in the debut episode's final frame -- and that's probably because he's Jacob. Or the Smoke Monster's new vessel. Or both. Or maybe even John Locke with a li'l polar bear thrown in.

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With Ben borderline-sobbing throughout the entire premiere, Sawyer weeping for two episodes straight and the aforementioned Sayid's cracking, thank God (i.e. J.J. Abrams) for Kate. She was at her fighting best! (Evangeline Lilly can get that Emmy any time now, folks.) While her L.A.-based scenes with Claire were literally and figuratively all over the place, the fact that we know -- or on some other plane, rather -- she winds up with Claire's son Aaron, somehow keeps the criticisms/questions largely at bay. That's the thing with the cast and these first two episodes, too: There is a subtle sense that they are all in on something, even knowing each other in parallel universes where they haven't met yet. I half-expect them to wink at each other, as if the joke's on us. Which, of course, it is.

One constant from the episode (and all along) is Jack. His frustration is absolutely palpable, increasing ever so slightly from about ten minutes after washing ashore in '04. (Fox can take home his Emmy the same night as Lilly, if you ask me.)

Popping the pill Dogen wanted him to give to Sayid was a nice play -- the ultimate checkmate -- but was anyone surprised to learn it was poison? His face-offs have always gotten him answers, and Sayid being "claimed," while ambiguous to Jack Shepard, begat even another answer, this one to a question he didn't even have.

Which leads me to something I've been wanting to address for a while now: For those of you who believe the writers have never strayed from an ending concocted before even casting  the series or, at the very least, by the end of season one, to put it bluntly, you're nuts. Exhibit A? Claire emerging from the shrubbery like Ramb-ette in the episode's final frame, taking down two men with a rifle, thereby saving Jin. 

Case closed.

It's like Jack said to a wheelchair-bound Locke late in last week's premiere: "Nothing is irreversible."

By Bret Federigan

Special to MSN TV

"American Idol" opened a new chapter Tuesday night as fourth judge Ellen DeGeneres finally made her much anticipated debut during the Hollywood rounds. Formally introduced by host Ryan Seacrest, the funny woman took a moment to address the 181 contestants assembled in the Kodak Theater. Explaining her particular point of view as a judge, she declared, "I do know what it's like to stand on stage and please an entire roomful of people." It was a remark that seemed directed at the hopefuls as much as it was toward those viewers at home still skeptical about what her addition to TV's top-rated show might mean. On that very subject of pleasing a roomful of people, she continued, "That's a hard thing to do."

More: How will Ellen fare this season? | See what Simon says | Peep the contestants

Unfortunately, for viewers hoping to see tons of funny moments from Ellen at the judges' table, there just wasn't much to chew on. The always tense and serious Hollywood rounds usually don't provide a lot of opportunities for quick-wittedness and hilarity. And Tuesday night was no exception. It was a pretty business-like episode for "American Idol," with very little interaction shown on camera between Simon and Ellen. About the most interplay we saw between the two was a brief on-camera aside from the new judge to the Brit. Ellen muttered to Simon, "So this is it. I come on. You leave." The footage seemed almost obligatory, as did his chuckle.

As groups of eight performed for the judges (each individual audition performed acapella or with a self-played instrument) during the sudden-death round, producers didn't offer any truly drop-dead funny moments from Ellen (or from Simon, for that matter). About the most entertaining thing to come out of Ellen's mouth was when a barefoot female contestant performed before her. Ellen quipped, "You should put some shows on. It's filthy here. Hollywood is a disgusting town."

More: Will Ellen impress on "Idol"? | No "Idol" for Howard Stern

In all 95 contestants made the cut. They now move on to the group rounds where luck, as much as ability, determines the their fate. As for Ellen? Well, she didn't really disappoint, providing solid feedback and generally seeming supportive and fair. But she certainly didn't wow, either, in her debut performance. There'll be plenty of time for her to pick some on-camera fights with Simon. Just not now, it seems.

Let's go to the lists:

They're In

• Girl next door Katie Stevens delivered a velvety version of "For Once in My Life" to kick off the show. Simon was satisfied with the teenager, declaring, "You're quite good." And Randy called her a "great natural talent."
• Andrew Garcia rolled the dice with an unplugged, slowed-down version of Paula Abdul's "Straight Up."  With this crowd-pleaser, the young father not only demonstrated some ingenuity, but he also showed off a mature voice that's soulful and unpretentious. Kara considered the interpretation "genius." She noted that Paula would have been "yelling and screaming." Folks, know this: Andrew's the real deal.
• Janell Wheeler's going to be a hit with viewers. Not only is she pretty darned camera-ready, but her voice has got true sex appeal. It's rough and sensual all at the same time. Simon simply stated that her performance was "well done," while Ellen thought it was "amazing."
• If you'll recall, teenager Haeley Vaughn made her mark with the judges during the audition process with her cheery disposition, brassy voice and her unusual ambition: She wants to become the first black pop country star. Tell you what: I don't know if she'll accomplish that. But from what we saw from her tonight (in addition to her audition footage), this girl is ridiculously likeable. I'm rooting for her big time.
• Lilly Scott took to her acoustic guitar to sing "Lullaby of Broadway." The version was remarkably stylish and sophisticated. Her vocal delivery and inflection were reminiscent of a young (pre-bouffant) Amy Winehouse. Kara thought the performance was "refreshing" and "unique."
• Having recently heard by cell phone that his pregnant wife's water had just broken, Michael "Big Mike" Lynch took the stage clearly inspired. He declared, "I'm the next American Idol because my wife is in labor right now. Also, I'll pummel anyone who disagrees." Don't worry; he's a gentle giant. He threw down some spirited vocals with "Waiting for the World to Change," inciting a little call and response from the other hopefuls in the audience. It was a nice moment for a singer who's clearly well-regarded by his fellow contestants.
• Tim Urban had a bit of a shaky audition early on, but he's definitely gained some confidence since then. In fact, it wasn't very long into his version of a David Cook tune before Simon audibly whispered to Ellen, "He's got a nice voice."
• Remember Casey James? He was the rather boring (at the time), ponytailed singer who Kara and Posh convinced to take off his shirt during his auditions. Well, he kept his clothes on this time around. And he provided a much more impassioned and impressive performance to boot. Who knew he was such a blues singer?
• Didi Benami sang "Terrified," a song written by Kara herself. Didi's laidback vocals (though a little pitchy here and there) were a pleasant surprise. But the bigger shock? Kara's song didn't suck! Simon said, "I hate to admit it: I really like that song."
• It takes guts to attempt "Natural Woman" with only an acoustic guitar. Crystal Bowersox just has what it takes. Not only was her interpretation earnest, strong and solid, but she managed to get her fellow contestants to sing along as well.
• Also moving on was Mary Powers.

Down and Out

• Antonio "Skiiboski" Wheeler's smooth-talking couldn't keep him in the game this time. Although his rendition of "Ain't Too Proud to Beg" was full of gutsy attitude, the judges were looking for a little more humility and subtlety. Ellen sounded the death knell, uttering to Skiiboski, "You frighten to me. You were stalking us." Comparing him to a "leopard," she continued, "Don't frighten your audience. Sexy and scary; it's a fine line." With that, there wasn't much for Simon to add. He succinctly noted, "You're just not a very good singer."
• Poor Vanessa Wolfe sounded so nervous when she attempted "No Rain." She never seemed to settle her tone, as she warbled from phrase to phrase. Ellen praised her as being "unique," but that was about it.
• Also getting the ax were cancer survivor Justin Williams, beat-boxing Jay Stone, preseason darling Maddy Curtis, pants-splittin' Cornelius Edwards,  teenager Megan Wright  and Tony Soprano-esque Amedeo DiRocco.

Ones to Watch

• Keep a close eye on Andrew Garcia, Janell Wheeler and Lilly Scott.

What about you? What did you think of Tuesday nigh's episode?

Sound Off: "American Idol" message boards

Ladies and gentlemen -- er, ladies, most likely: We witnessed history tonight, as Chris Harrison declared this episode of "The Bachelor" the first, ever, to end without a rose ceremony. If an episode of "The Bachelor" ends without a rose ceremony, does it make a sound? Oh, yes, it does, and that sound is the sound of Ali weeping, mewling, and just generally kvetching -- on the floor of a hallway in a hotel, perhaps, or strewn across Jake's lap like a crying Snuggie in a cocktail dress and heels. 

Video: See full episodes | Also: Last Night on TV

There are so many levels of BS here it's impossible know how or where to start counting them. Actually, let's start with Jake. Jake, the King Solomon of our story, apparently would have been content to cut the baby in half. Was Ali fishing? You bet. (We'll get to that.) But: Jake? Let's even say this: let's say he loves her. What good boyfriend -- fiance, husband, whatevs -- is like, "Hey, it's cool with me if you get fired"? Who doesn't say, "I understand, baby, we'll make it work"? Even if the contractual blah-blah-blah of "The Bachelor" experience doesn't allow for RSVPs: Jesus, just let the girl earn a paycheck. Let's just hope his position was more if-you-love-someone-don't-let-them-get-fired in the material edited out of the sequence. Edited, it seems to make him look like a selfish jerk. And that's assuming she's his number one. Assuming she's not -- and I'm still in the Vienna wins camp -- asking her to stay is in the neighborhood of terrible, on the border of reprehensible. 

There's plenty of blame to spread around, though. Ali? Go back to work. We've all seen ... er, a friend do this: The guy's wavering, so we force his choice. (I will admit here and only this one time to asking a guy on a "church date" in which we would tour upper Manhattan's loveliest churches: If he said yes, he liked me, I figured. This was a long time ago, note.) Unfortunately -- and Ali should have known this -- the guy is, in this case, literally obligated by contract to waver, which means he's seriously unlikely to incur whatever penalties that contract details to drop to his knee at this point and declare his love. Eh, she should have known better. Personally, if I had a one-in-four-chance at a million dollars, I would have stayed and quit my job. But a one-in-four-chance at a guy? Who probably already made his decision, and just can't share it for a few more episodes? Pass. And Ali's on the record (in her Cow Hollow date last week) as saying she loves her job. This was a no-brainer that for some un-freaking-godly reason occupied something close to 45 minutes of screen time.

We know, in any case, how this ended: Ali in the limo, on her way back to San Francisco, and Jake "devastated." (Yeah, he looked real devastated about the St. Lucia trip coming up.) Good for Ali, I say, for getting there in the end. Even if I did like what sure seemed like her goal (proposal of marriage) or her tactics (forcing an endgame. Or, for that matter, the grandmother's house tour.) 

There was, of course, plenty of bananas to go around, and I refer here to the psychological state rather than the fruit. Vienna's dad? I actually liked him for calling out the absurdity of the situation. If I'm ever on "The Bachelor," God willing -- because that would be the funniest thing I have ever done, ever -- my actual parents would be polite and guarded, like the parents here are, usually, but my imaginary parents would be, like, "Hell, no," and set up little barricades across the driveway. Because they would not be down with the harem aspects of the group dating situation, and they'd be, like, "What is wrong with all of you insane people?" Vienna's dad, I thought, got closest to expressing this sentiment. I've read other commentary of him as creepy. I get that, and I'm a bit baffled by the idea of raising a "princess" and the helplessness that implies, but I thought his heart was roughly in the right place. Tenley's dad, too -- though you know he must have been, like, "I wish my newly divorced and still obviously heartbroken daughter had decided to work with orphans in Malawi rather than this baloney." His actual acceptance of Jake's request for permission to ask Tenley to marry him: "I feel like I could give someone like you ..." There are actually three qualifications in that sentence. Four stars for Tenley's dad. Gia was going home this week as far as I can guess.  Is it just me, or do she and Jake basically always look like they're actually inhabiting different dimensions when they're in the same room? Or like she's a hologram or something? I just don't see those two going much farther. If Ali was safe, like Jake said she was, I'm betting it was at Gia's expense. 

Other small things: too much running, jumping, and leg wrapping, in my opinion, as Jake reunited with the women. Loved the alligator footage in setting up Vienna's hometown date. Nothing I saw tonight shook my position: I still think he's going home with Vienna. But I like Tenley more. She just seems so crazy and sad. There's something mean, I think, in the producers' decision to include her this time around, instead of giving her a chance to heal. 

Next week: The St. Lucia Tourism Board's fondest dream is realized.