Oh no, say it ain't so!

If MTV doesn't start coughing up the dough, we might not see a third season of "Jersey Shore" starring the likes of The Situation, Snooki and Pauly D. Whatever are we going to do?

Taking a page from the Hollywood Teamsters, who've threatened to strike Aug. 1 and bring Tinsel Town to a virtual halt -- oh, who are we kidding, these "Jersey Shore" kids probably have no idea what power the teamsters actually wield. Anyway, the "Jersey Shore" gang have decided that they're each worth way more than $10 grand an episode, and so, have threatened to bail on season three if they don't get a raise. That's right, the Jersey Shore kids are threatening to strike.

But before you start experiencing those heart palpitations, relax. The Hollywood Reporter, uh, reports that MTV is close to striking a deal with the gang that will give them a whopping 200 percent increase in salary at $30K an episode. MTV has declined to comment on the reported deal.

Bah! $30K for these stereotype-perpetuating "Guidos" and "Guidettes" who aren't even actually from Jersey? C'mon, MTV, your money could be spend better elsewhere. Like how about a show that pairs up Lindsay Lohan and Janice Dickinson in a house in Miami, where they could descend into a May-December BFF haze of addiction and tabloid-worthy romps in South Beach? Wouldn't you guys much rather watch that? MTV could probably get both ladies relatively cheap right now!

In the meantime, you can catch season two on MTV, premiering July 29.





 

                                  There's a new pimp in D-Town. (Photo: Lacey Terrell)

I'll be the first to admit that, despite having championed the Thomas Jane/Jane Adams-starring black comedy "Hung," I was starting to wonder if its comedy was black enough, and if its characters were sympathetic enough. But last night's episode really stood out as one of the series' best, and merits a return of audiences next week who were at any point curiously interested in its mixture of gender-role-reversal laughs and poignant recession-era downer-ism.

A lot of potential series landmines were averted in its highly entertaining 30 minutes, while more obscure pleasantries of its past were brought out to the forefront: Tanya (Adams) finally asserted herself against Lenore, only to realize this is a war, not a battle, and her relationship with an actual local pimp at a skeezy all-night donut shop is turning into her most sincere and unexpected partnership on the show; Ray and his outcast twin teens had a real breakout episode, and for the first time showed that neither mom nor dad is really capable of relating to their progeny; Ray's ex-Stepford Wife Jess and her new husband Ronnie are finally splitting at the seams of a mutually manipulative coupling; and of course, Horny Patty is back, and seemingly for good.



The characters may not be as familiar as those on "True Blood" or "Entourage" yet, and the show, like Ray himself, is an archetypal dark horse. But "Hung" deserves a second shot by those whom it didn't stick, and a first romp in the sack from any other TV viewers needing something, and someone, to root for.
 

I'm not one of those people who believes that just because it's nice outside for three months means I have to spend every non-working minute frolicking in fields of grass and dining on five-star-restaurant verandas. Sometimes, all you want to do after a long week of paying bills is cuddle up with that special someone (oh, how I love you, Mr. Remote) and watch endless marathons of TV and film that it's other people's jobs to make, without worrying about when you need to get up the next day.

So it is with that very noble premise in mind that I offer the following five suggestions for quality small-screen companionship on this Friday night, July 16, 2010 (all listings in EST):

• "America's Funniest Home Videos" ABC Family, 8 p.m.: Because, honestly, what could possibly sound more entertaining than "driver drives through store window"? Except for maybe Jim Carrey's Bob Saget impression.

• "Top 20 Most Shocking: Boozers and Losers" TruTV, 9 p.m.: I stand corrected.

• "Freaks" Turner Classic Movies, 8 p.m.: Todd Browning's twisted 1933 cult landmark, which was basically like HBO's "Carnivale," except with Browning having cast actors with actual deformities and disorders.

• "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" Marathon, Logo, 6 p.m.-Midnight: Joss Whedon's seminal series continues to grow in influence and obsessive fandom, and Logo is wise for nabbing its rights amidst our post-"Twilight"/"True Blood" vampire craze.

• "Kramer vs. Kramer" Showtime Family Zone, 11:15 p.m.: It's still not entirely clear how a complicated divorce drama with full-frontal nudity and prolific explicit language is considered family friendly. It would be like categorizing "The Human Centipede" as a nature flick. But did we mention Jobeth Williams is full-frontally nude?

Come back every Friday for more WTW pre-weekend picks.
 

As we've opined here on TV Buzz before (and we're not alone), 'Real World' resident hairstylist/calculating antagonist Ryan is one of the more purely unwatchable characters on any show in recent memory, reality or fiction.

And certainly, last night's episode, which involved the seemingly sexually confused provocateur babbling again about his love for cuddling while trying to get laid by roommate Kenzie's visiting BFF, did little to dissuade the notion.

Hatred for Ryan has become so pronounced across the blogosphere and among 'Real World' viewers that, for a moment, he actually succeeded in branding himself as TV's villain of the moment.

Which immediately flashed me back to the first episodes of "Breaking Bad"'s second season, and a highly enjoyable fantasy of Ryan being trapped in middle-of-nowhere adobe shack on the outskirts of Albuquerque with Tuco (played with absolutely terrifying rage and complexity by oft-type-cast Raymond Cruz), the meth-head murderer (whose likeness was probably inspired by a same-named character in "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly") who stole the show on "Bad" for an unforgettable four-episode arc.

So with the acclaimed AMC drama having recently wrapped Season 3, scored seven Emmy noms and announced a fourth go-round in 2011, we'd like to pay homage to a real small-screen villain, thereby somehow making it easier to still get through "Real World: Return to New Orleans" without lightweight villain Ryan getting too under our skin:



 

All the world's a sound stage, it turns out.

Over the course of six seasons, MTV's reality hit "The Hills" has served up some pretty inane moments: girls fighting over Justin Bobby and Brody Jenner, Lauren Conrad's fashion career, Heidi and Spencer's entire relationship (but especially their downward spiral after discussing baby-making).

Really, you'd think: you just can't make this stuff up, right? But, as the producers proved with a particularly ingenious stroke of scripting at the end of the series finale, perhaps, just maybe, you can.

Spoiler alert for those of you who missed and might actually still tune in: yesterday, as Kristin Cavallari's limo pulled away from a misty-eyed Brody Jenner, we thought there might still be hope for the star-crossed friends-with-benefits, despite the tabloid reports that Jenner and real-life girlfriend Avril Lavigne were getting matchy-matchy tattoos to commemorate their love. Then, as the camera slowly panned out off of Brody's telegenic-yet-perpetually smug mug, we saw crew pulling apart the Hollywood Hills -- complete with that iconic Hollywood sign, because, it turns out, the whole thing was on a sound stage.

TV watchers have long deliberated how much of the show is scripted, and former star Lauren Conrad has gone as afar as to admit that it is quite a bit. Resident brunette Audrina Patridge, for example, was cast to be pals with the original stars Conrad and Montag, as she lived in the girls' apartment building (the set version, not the real-life one). Whitney Port, who eventually scored her own show with "The Hills" spin-off "The City," was the bigger winner from all this, going from fashion ineptitude to an actual fashion line thanks to an opportunely timed Teen Vogue internship, which coordinated with Conrad's staged one. None of the girls' have actual jobs. And when Lauren decided to split from the show, another blonde, the saucy Cavallari, was brought in to take her place, not unlike when Sarah Chalke replaced Alicia Goranson on "Roseanne" all those years ago.

But then there are those weird moments that have you questioning how much they could actually have scripted -- like Heidi Montag's odd descent into plastic surgery addiction.

In the end, the producers acknowledged their fine balance with a wink and a nod, cleverly admitting it all without really giving away very much at all. And all the while we thought "The Hills" was the TV equivalent of a Monet, perhaps, in the end, there was some value to this carefully calculated, surprisingly layered brand of scripted television after all.

How much of "the Hills" do you think was real?

 

                     "You like baseball? No? Well, lucky for you, my show is a home run."

Today was a sad day for baseball with the passing of iconic Yankees owner George Steinbrenner. And it no doubt means a good portion of tonight's All-Star Game will be dedicated to discussion of the man and his legacy. Which, unfortunately, will make it only marginally less of a shallow, indulgent spectacle than it's otherwise become.

So in case you'd rather watch real millionaires play fictional characters on TV, or actual middle-class folks seek riches though reality shows, here's a sampling of how you can avoid getting sucked into MLB mania (all times EST):

• The Season 2 premiere of USA's deserved breakout hit, "White Collar" at 9 p.m., and the subsequent debut of Piper Perabo's new CIA ass-kicker, "Covert Affairs.", at 10.
  

• IFC, clearly expanding the definition of "independent film," is broadcasting the entirety of R. Kelly's "what the living hell?!" longform music video for "Trapped in the Closet" at 8 p.m. Imagine if the final, eventually censored few minutes of Michael Jackson's "Black or White" video were stretched out over 80 minutes, and you're approaching the appropriate weirdo quotient. 

• There's always another "Hills" marathon on MTV, leading up to a new, and mercifully almost final, episode. In case you reallllllly need to cleanse yourself of anything sports-related.

• Lucky for all you intentional hilarity fans (ehem, Mr. Kelly), Tuesday is "Office" marathon night on TBS.

• And lastly, if you're looking to bypass the ESPN-aired ASG in one fell, cinematic swoop, you can always escape into either the bubbly '90s fun of "Clueless," broadcasting on HBO Comedy at 8 p.m., or the animated nostalgia of "Who Framed Roger Rabbit," via Thriller Max of all networks, at 8:15.
  

 

 

So, apparently, Matt LeBlanc just won't go away. Showtime announced today that the actor's next TV foray, a cable comedy called "Episodes," will premiere on the network January 10.

It's still shocking to me that TV bigwigs are willing to drop still more money on the actor, whose batting average with post-"Friends" shows has been pathetic at best. His short-lived sitcom, "Joey," which spun his "Friends" character off into LaLa Land, was ridiculed by critics and skipped by TV audiences altogether.

But in "Episodes," the actor plays a spoof of himself, according to a network press release, as an actor who's "woefully miscast" on a sitcom. So essentially, LeBlanc is playing himself. Let's hope he can't mess that up, in the very least.

LeBlanc, like some of his other "Friends" costars, has had it rough since the long-running series ended in 2004. While Jennifer Aniston has had film success (despite personal tabloid traumas since her split with Brad Pitt) and Courteney Cox hit a homer with ABC's "Cougar Town," pals David Schwimmer, Matthew Perry and Lisa Kudrow have mostly coasted, doing some film work and light TV.

Kudrow, though, seems to be the next break-out of the bunch -- she produced the NBC celeb documentary series "Who Do You Think You Are?" earlier this year, and her web comedy, "Web Therapy," is also headed to Showtime. The series, which features writer-producer Kudrow as, well, a webcam therapist, will likely be used for interstertial purposes.

Would you watch another Matt LeBlanc show?