Five Talkin': Shows We'd Like To See In 3-D
As Sony, Discovery and IMAX ready a multi-dimensional network, we ponder programs that jump out as optimal candidates
By Kenny Herzog Jan 6, 2010 2:17PM
As you may have heard (provided you check in daily with mundane business newswires), Sony Corporation, Discovery Communications and IMAX will be launching an all 3-D network in 2011, featuring a wide array of genre content.
Now, some may opine that the frenzy around blockbusters like "Avatar" solidified the deal. But I would like to think that, after seeing last year's "My Bloody Valentine" remake in tres dimensiones, the trifecta of companies realized, "Material this essential to cultural progression must have an outlet for round-the-clock broadcast."
It's too bad, however, that thousands of programs have come and gone without not only the acne-enhancing effects of hi-def, but the cardiac-inducing interaction of 3-D. Below are five TV shows that we wish we could see through the amplified ocular intensity of those inexplicably still-unrefined plastic glasses. (And yes, Adult Swim programming was intentionally left out in light of its self-aware psychedelia.)
"PLANET EARTH"
To invoke Jon Stewart's overeager stoner in "Half Baked," hey man, you may have seen an early blooming ficus before, but have you ever seen it in 33333-DDDDD? Oh, you have? Well, check out that dung beetle over there. Huh-huh. Its eating poop. In 3-D.
"BAYWATCH"
The intro would probably suffice, as extended scenes of David Hasselhoff delegating beach-front protocol shirtless will probably feel a lot like this for the viewer.
"LAND OF THE LOST"
Admittedly, Sid and Marty Krofft's trippy claymations wouldn't be any scarier right in front of your face than Peter Jackson's T-Rex in King Kong was from single-dimenstional distance. But the combination of this show's psychedelic desnity and primal special effects was what 3-D was made for. Well, that and to cheaply cash in on gimmicky technology in order to prolong dying franchies.
"DEXTER"
For the first time ever, you can feel like you're Saran Wrapped onto an operating table while an oddly principled mass murderer recites eloquent soliloquies before puncturing your cerebellum with a motorized drill! And what did co-star Julie Benz get that transparent boob job for if we're still only able to view them through the normal limitations of human vision?
"WWE RAW"
Yeahhhhh, a little something for the ladddddays. Chicka-chicka-bowm. Chicka-chicka-bowm bowm. Besides, you'd need 8-D to detect the unspectacular size of their steroid-shriveled penises.
HONORABLE MENTIONS: "TWIN PEAKS," "CARE BEARS," "G-STRING DIVAS," "BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER"
Now, some may opine that the frenzy around blockbusters like "Avatar" solidified the deal. But I would like to think that, after seeing last year's "My Bloody Valentine" remake in tres dimensiones, the trifecta of companies realized, "Material this essential to cultural progression must have an outlet for round-the-clock broadcast."
It's too bad, however, that thousands of programs have come and gone without not only the acne-enhancing effects of hi-def, but the cardiac-inducing interaction of 3-D. Below are five TV shows that we wish we could see through the amplified ocular intensity of those inexplicably still-unrefined plastic glasses. (And yes, Adult Swim programming was intentionally left out in light of its self-aware psychedelia.)
"PLANET EARTH"
To invoke Jon Stewart's overeager stoner in "Half Baked," hey man, you may have seen an early blooming ficus before, but have you ever seen it in 33333-DDDDD? Oh, you have? Well, check out that dung beetle over there. Huh-huh. Its eating poop. In 3-D.
"BAYWATCH"
The intro would probably suffice, as extended scenes of David Hasselhoff delegating beach-front protocol shirtless will probably feel a lot like this for the viewer.
"LAND OF THE LOST"
Admittedly, Sid and Marty Krofft's trippy claymations wouldn't be any scarier right in front of your face than Peter Jackson's T-Rex in King Kong was from single-dimenstional distance. But the combination of this show's psychedelic desnity and primal special effects was what 3-D was made for. Well, that and to cheaply cash in on gimmicky technology in order to prolong dying franchies.
"DEXTER"
For the first time ever, you can feel like you're Saran Wrapped onto an operating table while an oddly principled mass murderer recites eloquent soliloquies before puncturing your cerebellum with a motorized drill! And what did co-star Julie Benz get that transparent boob job for if we're still only able to view them through the normal limitations of human vision?
"WWE RAW"
Yeahhhhh, a little something for the ladddddays. Chicka-chicka-bowm. Chicka-chicka-bowm bowm. Besides, you'd need 8-D to detect the unspectacular size of their steroid-shriveled penises.
HONORABLE MENTIONS: "TWIN PEAKS," "CARE BEARS," "G-STRING DIVAS," "BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER"
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Deanna Barnert | Los Angeles, Calif.
Entertainment journalist Deanna "TVDeeva" Barnert visits sets, interviews industry players and critiques the final product. Buzz's daytime TV queen covers it all for MSN TV, but loves her sitcoms, soaps and any juicy drama that doesn't call itself Reality TV.
