Six People We'd Like To See Host The Academy Awards

I still stand by my belief that Kirstie Alley's new A&E reality show is both the biggest entertainment news of the day and should be totally accredited to me. But I suppose the announcement that Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin will be co-hosting next year's Oscars (set to air on March 7) is mildly pertinent. If you deem whomever presides over the world's most anticipated evening of pomp and platitudes to be worth spilling ink over.

Anyhow, we have to commend the program's braintrust and the Academy for allowing Baldwin to assume center stage, since it will no doubt result in a flurry of lefty political humor that would infuriate his "30 Rock" doppelganger Jack Donaghy.

And anything is an improvement over Hugh Jackman's uncomfortable, humorless, song-and-dance performance during last year's ceremony, which kind of felt like the Broadway stud-muffin galloped his way in from another awards show.

That being said, there are a few more entertainers out there who could truly elevate the broadcast's beyond its formulaic production numbers, canned-punchline monologues and painfully scripted presenter teleprompting. Here's our ideal wishlist:

RICKY GERVAIS

This is probably just a matter of time and big-screen leading roles that prove more influential than "The Truth About Lying" (although I not-so-secretly heart the whimsical-but-clever "Ghost Town"), but is there any comedic actor alive with the standup experience, observational insight and goodwill currency to get away with just about  any off-color jab as Gervais? Don't answer that. It was rhetorical. Unless you really disagree. Then respond at will.

STEVE CARELL

It's actually rather shocking that this hasn't occurred yet, although Carell has arguably been a more visible presence on television of late than on the big screen. Which may have had something to do with needing a cool-down after the less-than-box-office-quaking reception to "Get Smart," "Dan In Real Life" and the downright awful "Evan Almighty." Although given that he's slated for no less than four new flicks in the coming year, perhaps the timing will come together for 2011. Which is a year that I can't even believe I'm actually saying out loud. But I guess I'm not. Cause I'm just writing it. Phew.

STEVE COOGAN

This mischievous UK comic (an icon overseas for ingenious satirical BBC fare like "I'm Alan Partridge" and standout roles in cult-favorite films such as "24 Hour Party People") has a style that falls somewhere between Gervais' incessant wit and frequent MTV Video Music Awards emcee Russell Brand's outlandish crudeness. And though he's probably still a smidge too obscure for such a prominent stateside crossover (appearances in "Curb Your Enthusiam" and "Tropic Thunder" aside), you'd have to think a man who could carry the otherwise preposterous "Hamlet 2" can handle Hollywood's middling self-congratulatory evening. I also just clearly want a man named Steve, a non-American or someone involved with "The Office" to curate the festivities.

AMY POEHLER

Or at the very least, I'm campaigning for the assigning of Oscar hosting duties to a principal actor from "The Office"'s sister show, "Parks and Recreation." Which, incidentally, has slowly surpassed its veteran sibling this season with an increasingly winning combination of absurdist situations and surprising humanity. And the anchor is Poehler, who possesses both a superlatively sharp comedic mind and unheralded capability as an actress. On the Oscar podium, she would deliver an acidic inventory of the movie industry with a deceptively disarming sweetness.

KATT WILLIAMS

I just think this would be weird. And I think Katt Williams is kind of amazing. You can already envision an entire swath of mainstream America who felt exceedingly self-congratulatory after electing a black President watching Williams wildly vivisect pop culture and thinking, "Man, we are still so white."

BARACK OBAMA

And speaking of our nation's Chief Executive, who better to anoint the earth's famous and beautiful thespians with a molten statue of a naked alien than our own celebrity president? He's certainly the most qualified orator out of the aforementioned, and if you've ever listened to (NSFW) selected audio excerpts from his memoir, "Dreams From My Father," you'd know he's also heeeelarious. Although the network censors may want to be ready at the delay button.